赞美说“不”
Today I did not get up at 6:30am to flog over to a breakfast meeting in Knightsbridge. Tomorrow I am not going to have a sandwich lunch to discuss a project I am only vaguely involved in.
On Thursday I am not going to a summer networking party. Neither am I writing an article for a website that neglects to pay contributors, nor am I giving an interview to an Australian radio station. I might have been doing all of these things, but I have said no to them.
周四，我不会去参加一场夏季交流派对。我既不会给一家“忘记”给撰稿人支付稿酬的网站写文章，也不会接受澳大利亚一家广播电台的采访。我本来也许会做所有这些事，但我都拒绝了。As well as making me considerably happier, this naysaying makes me bang on trend. No is the new yes. It is the most fashionable answer for successful people.
说不，不但让我感觉更快乐得多，而且使我跟上了潮流。“不”是新的“是”。这是对成功人士而言最时髦的回答。
Ten years ago it was the other way around. There was a uniformly positive selection of books on Amazon that were all rabidly pro-yes. Now they have been pushed aside by The Life-changing Power of No! and How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty. There is even a How to Say No colouring book for adults, as well as books of more niche interest, like Say No to Arthritis.
10年前，情况正好相反。亚马逊(Amazon)上汇集了清一色全部热烈支持回答“是”的图书。如今，这些书都被排挤了，取而代之的是《说不：改变人生的力量！》(The Life-changing Power of No!)和《如何毫无愧疚感地说不》(How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty)。现在甚至有了针对成年人的填色书《如何说不》(How to Say No)，以及一些照顾小众兴趣的图书，比如《对关节炎说不》(Say No to Arthritis)。Yet last week “no” reached cult status. In a blog post for the Harvard Business Review, a management coach suggested that it is not enough simply to say no, we must start celebrating whenever we do so.
然而，“不”最近达到了受人崇拜的地位。在《哈佛商业评论》(HBR)上的一篇博客文章中，一位管理教练提出，仅仅说不是不够的，我们必须开始在自己每次这么做的时候赞美自己。No is thus granted the same giddy status as failure, which everyone has been doggedly celebrating for a decade at least. The Museum of Failure was opened last week in Sweden; give it a year or two and the Museum of No is bound to follow.
“不”因此被授予跟“失败”一样令人眩晕的地位，起码过去10年来，所有人都在坚持不懈地赞美失败。最近，瑞典开了一家失败博物馆(Museum of Failure)；再过一两年，“说不博物馆”一定会出现。Yet to celebrate no is not so silly. Since reading the blog, I have taken to starting each day lying in bed giving silent thanks for the things I have successfully refused to do. I do not have to write that article today (hooray), nor have coffee with that person (phew), nor go to that lunch.
不过，赞美说不并不太傻。自读过那篇博客文章以来，我习惯了在每天开始时躺在床上，默默地感谢那些被我成功地拒绝掉的事情。我今天不必写那篇文章（万岁），也不用跟那个人喝咖啡（松口气），还不用去那个午餐会。With each thing I mentally tick off, the better the day seems. I skip out of bed eager to do the things that slipped through my net of negativity.
我在心里每列出一件事，就感觉这一天似乎更加美好。我从床上下来，去做那些从我的否定网漏掉的事情。You could say this is all very selfish. Every time we say no we disappoint the person asking. And every job we turn down creates something for some other poor sucker to have to do instead.
你可能会说，这也太自私了。每次我们说不时，我们都让提请求的人失望。我们拒绝的每一项工作，都会给某个可怜的倒霉鬼生出一些他必须做的事情。Yet there is another way of looking at it — fans of no are rebranding it as the altruistic choice.
不过，还有另一种方式看待此事——说不的粉丝正在把它重新标榜成一种无私的选择。On the Entrepreneur website is a blog post that argues saying no is good, as it creates space for junior people to step up. And declining things at work allows you to spend more time at home tending to your family.
创业家(Entrepreneur)网站上有一篇博客文章主张，说不是好事，因为这会给资历不足的人创造出挑重担的空间。而且，拒绝工作中的事情，让你把更多时间放在家里，关怀家人。I can think of something even better about it. If enough people were to say no to pointless things often enough it would lead to a more efficient allocation of resources. If we all refused boring meetings and events, eventually the penny would drop and people would stop arranging them.
关于说不，我可以想出甚至更好的事情。如果足够的人对无意义的事情说不的次数足够多，那么资源的分配将变得更加高效率。如果我们都拒绝枯燥的会议和活动，最终人们会明白过来，就不会再安排这些了。Despite being a great fan of no at work, even I admit that sometimes it is the wrong answer. The great challenge is therefore to spot when to stop saying no and start saying yes.
尽管我特别拥护在工作中说不，但即使我也承认，有时“不”是一个错误的回答。所以艰巨的挑战在于何时停止说不，开始说是。The HBR recommends ranking all opportunities from one to 10, but my system is simpler. I say yes to things I a) have to do; b) want to do or c) ought to do. Though sometimes I ignore c) if I can talk myself out of whatever it is without feeling a total heel.
《哈佛商业评论》建议用1至10的分数给各种机会打分，但我的方法更简单。我只对三类事情说是，一是必须做的，二是想做的，三是应当做的。不过，有时我会忽略第三类——如果我能在不感觉自己完全是个浑蛋的情况下，说服自己不做那件事。The trouble with this system is that often it is not clear whether you really have to do something — or even if you want to do it. But in that case there is a rule: if in doubt, say no. At the margin, less work is always better than more.
这个方法的麻烦在于，对于你是否真的必须做某事，你自己经常拿不准——甚至连你是否想做也不确定。但那种情况下的规则是：如果心存疑问，那就说不。在某种程度上，工作更少总比工作更多好。The main difference between yes and no is that one is easy and the other hard.
说是和说不的主要区别在于，一个容易说出来，另一个难于说出口。Yes can be said by any old fool, while no requires character, commitment and courage. Saying no gets easier as you get older: I have gone from being rubbish at it to being a master, and am still improving.
任何一个老傻瓜都可以说出是，而说不则需要性格、承诺和勇气。随着年龄的增长，说不变得更容易：我已从对此毫无经验变得非常精通，而且还在进步。I have learnt the importance of saying no quickly. If you procrastinate you are already on the back foot and may be tricked into saying yes by mistake.
我明白了迅速说不的重要性。如果你拖延，那么你就已经陷于被动，也许会被诱导着错误地说是。I have also learnt never to give reasons, as they can be challenged, resulting in capitulation. In writing this I have learnt a third thing: never say you cannot do something because you are too busy.
我也明白了绝不要给出理由，因为你的理由可能受到挑战，导致你缴械投降。在写本文时，我明白了第三件事：不要说自己无法做某件事是因为太忙了。No one will be impressed: being too busy simply proves you are not good enough at saying no.
这不会给谁留下深刻印象：太忙只能证明你不太善于说不。
