诺贝尔文学经典:《宠儿》第2章Part 6

Sethe made two fists and placed them on her hips. "You as bad as she is.""Come on, Sethe.""Oh, I am coming on. I am!""You know what I mean.""I do and I don't like it.""Jesus," he whispered.
"Who?" Sethe was getting loud again.
"Jesus! I said Jesus! All I did was sit down for supper! and I get cussed out twice. Once for beinghere and once for asking why I was cussed in the first place!""She didn't cuss.""No? Felt like it.""Look here. I apologize for her. I'm real — ""You can't do that. You can't apologize for nobody. She got to do that.""Then I'll see that she does." Sethe sighed. "What I want to know is, is she asking a question that'son your mind too?""Oh no. No, Paul D. Oh no.""Then she's of one mind and you another? If you can call what ever's in her head a mind, that is.""Excuse me, but I can't hear a word against her. I'll chastise her. You leave her alone."Risky, thought Paul D, very risky. For a used-to-be-slave woman to love anything that much wasdangerous, especially if it was her children she had settled on to love. The best thing, he knew, wasto love just a little bit; everything, just a little bit, so when they broke its back, or shoved it in acroaker sack, well, maybe you'd have a little love left over for the next one.
"Why?" he asked her."Why you think you have to take up for her? Apologize for her? She's grown.""I don't care what she is. Grown don't mean nothing to a mother. A child is a child. They getbigger, older, but grown? What's that supposed to mean? In my heart it don't mean a thing.""It means she has to take it if she acts up. You can't protect her every minute. What's going tohappen when you die?""Nothing! I'll protect her while I'm live and I'll protect her when I ain't.""Oh well, I'm through," he said. "I quit.""That's the way it is, Paul D. I can't explain it to you no better than that, but that's the way it is. If Ihave to choose — well, it's not even a choice.""That's the point. The whole point. I'm not asking you to choose. Nobody would. I thought — well,I thought you could — there was some space for me.""She's asking me.""You can't go by that. You got to say it to her. Tell her it's not about choosing somebody over her— it's making space for somebody along with her. You got to say it. And if you say it and mean it,then you also got to know you can't gag me. There's no way I'm going to hurt her or not take careof what she need if I can, but I can't be told to keep my mouth shut if she's acting ugly. You wantme here, don't put no gag on me.""Maybe I should leave things the way they are," she said.

塞丝攥起两只拳头，把它们藏在屁股后面。“你跟她一样差劲。”“得啦，塞丝。”“噢，我要说，我要说!”“你知道我什么意思。”“我知道，而且不高兴。”“耶稣啊。”他嘟囔道。
“谁？”塞丝又开始提高音量。
“耶稣!我说的是耶稣!我只不过坐下来吃顿晚饭，就给骂了两回。一回是因为在这儿待着，一回是因为问问一开始为什么挨骂!”“她没骂。”“没骂？听着可像。”“听我说。我替她道歉。我真的———”“你做不到。你不能替别人道歉。得让她来说。”“那么我会让她说的。”塞丝叹了口气。“我想知道的是，她问的问题你脑子里也有吗？”“噢，不是。不是，保罗?D。噢，不是。”“这么说她有一套想法，而你有另一套喽？要是你能把她脑子里的什么玩意儿都叫做想法的话。”“原谅我，可是我听不得一丁点儿她的坏话。我会惩罚她的。你甭管她。”危险，保罗?D想，太危险了。一个做过奴隶的女人，这样强烈地去爱什么都危险，尤其当她爱的是自己的孩子。最好的办法，他知道，是只爱一点点；对于一切，都只爱一点点，这样，当他们折断它的脊梁，或者将它胡乱塞进收尸袋的时候，那么，也许你还会有一点爱留给下一个。
“为什么？”他问她，“为什么你觉得你得替她承担？替她道歉？她已经成熟了。”“我可不管她怎么样了。成熟对一个母亲来说啥都不算。孩子就是孩子。他们会变大、变老，可是变成熟？那是什么意思？在我心里那什么也不算。”“成熟意味着她必须对她的行为负责。你不能时时刻刻护着她。你死了以后怎么办？”“不怎么办!我活着的时候保护她，我不活的时候还保护她。”“噢得啦，我没词儿了，”他说，“我投降。”“就是那么回事，保罗?D。我没有更好的解释，可就是那么回事。假如我非选择不可———唉，连选择都没有。”“就是这个意思，完全正确。我不是要求你去选择，谁也不会这样要求你。我以为———我是说，我以为你能———给我一席之地。”“她也在问我。”“你逃不过去。你得对她讲。告诉她这不是放弃她选择别人的问题———是同她一道为别人腾点地方。你得讲出来。要是你这样讲也这样打算，那么你也该明白你不能堵住我的嘴。做得到的话，我绝不可能伤害她或者不照顾好她，可是如果她做事丢人现眼，我不能让人跟我说住嘴。你愿意我待在这儿，就别堵住我的嘴。”“也许我应该顺其自然。”她说。