狄更斯双语小说:《董贝父子》第35章Part5

She trembled, and her eyes were dim. His figure seemed to grow in height and bulk before her as he paced the room: now it was all blurred and indistinct; now clear again, and plain; and now she seemed to think that this had happened, just the same, a multitude of years ago. She yearned towards him, and yet shrunk from his approach. Unnatural emotion in a child, innocent of wrong! Unnatural the hand that had directed the sharp plough, which furrowed up her gentle nature for the sowing of its seeds!
Bent upon not distressing or offending him by her distress, Florence controlled herself, and sat quietly at her work. After a few more turns across and across the room, he left off pacing it; and withdrawing into a shadowy corner at some distance, where there was an easy chair, covered his head with a handkerchief, and composed himself to sleep.
It was enough for Florence to sit there watching him; turning her eyes towards his chair from time to time; watching him with her thoughts, when her face was intent upon her work; and sorrowfully glad to think that he could sleep, while she was there, and that he was not made restless by her strange and long-forbidden presence.
What would have been her thoughts if she had known that he was steadily regarding her; that the veil upon his face, by accident or by design, was so adjusted that his sight was free, and that itnever wandered from her face face an instant That when she looked towards him' In the obscure dark corner, her speaking eyes, more earnest and pathetic in their voiceless speech than all the orators of all the world, and impeaching him more nearly in their mute address, met his, and did not know it! That when she bent her head again over her work, he drew his breath more easily, but with the same attention looked upon her still - upon her white brow and her falling hair, and busy hands; and once attracted, seemed to have no power to turn his eyes away!
And what were his thoughts meanwhile? With what emotions did he prolong the attentive gaze covertly directed on his unknown daughter? Was there reproach to him in the quiet figure and the mild eyes? Had he begun to her disregarded claims and did they touch him home at last, and waken him to some sense of his cruel injustice?
There are yielding moments in the lives of the sternest and harshest men, though such men often keep their secret well. The sight ofher in her beauty, almost changed into a woman without his knowledge, may have struck out some such moments even In his life of pride. Some passing thought that he had had a happy home within his reach-had had a household spirit bending at has feet - had overlooked it in his stiffnecked sullen arrogance, and wandered away and lost himself, may have engendered them. Some simple eloquence distinctly heard, though only uttered in her eyes, unconscious that he read them' as'By the death-beds I have tended, by the childhood I have suffered, by our meeting in this dreary house at midnight, by the cry wrung from me in the anguish of my heart, oh, father, turn to me and seek a refuge in my love before it is too late!' may have arrested them. Meaner and lower thoughts, as that his dead boy was now superseded by new ties, and he could forgive the having been supplanted in his affection, may have occasioned them. The mere association of her as an ornament, with all the ornament and pomp about him, may have been sufficient. But as he looked, he softened to her, more and more. As he looked, she became blended with the child he had loved, and he could hardly separate the two. As he looked, he saw her for an instant by a clearer and a brighter light, not bending over that child's pillow as his rival - monstrous thought - but as the spirit of his home, and in the action tending himself no less, as he sat once more with his bowed-down head upon his hand at the foot of the little bed. He felt inclined to speak to her, and call her to him. The words 'Florence, come here!' were rising to his lips - but slowly and with difficulty, they were so very strange - when they were checked and stifled by a footstep on the stair.
It was his wife's. She had exchanged her dinner dress for a loose robe, and unbound her hair, which fell freely about her neck. But this was not the change in her that startled him.
'Florence, dear,' she said, 'I have been looking for you everywhere.'
As she sat down by the side of Florence, she stooped and kissed her hand. He hardly knew his wife. She was so changed. It was not merely that her smile was new to him - though that he had never seen; but her manner, the tone of her voice, the light of her eyes, the interest, and confidence, and winning wish to please, expressed in all-this was not Edith.
'Softly, dear Mama. Papa is asleep.'
It was Edith now. She looked towards the corner where he was, and he knew that face and manner very well.
'I scarcely thought you could be here, Florence.'
Again, how altered and how softened, in an instant!

她颤抖着，眼睛模糊了。当他在房间里踱步的时候，他的身形在她眼前似乎高起来了，大起来了；一会儿它是模糊不清的，一会儿它又清楚鲜明了，一会儿她仿佛觉得这种情形好多年以前就像现在一样发生过。她向往他，可是当他走近的时候却又向后退缩。这是一个不知道邪恶的孩子的不自然的感情啊！一只奇怪的手在指导着锐利的犁，在她温柔的心田中耕出垅沟，来播种这种感情的种籽！
弗洛伦斯决心不让自己的悲痛来使他伤心或生气，所以她控制着自己，安安静静地坐在那里，干着针线活。他在房间里又转了几圈之后，不再踱步，而是到隔着一定距离的一个阴暗的角落里，在一张安乐椅中坐下，用手绢蒙着头，安下心来睡觉。
弗洛伦斯坐在那里看守着他，不时把眼睛朝他的椅子那边看看；她的脸孔专心致志地对着她的针线活，但她的思想却在注意着他；她又忧郁又高兴地想到，他能够在她身旁睡去，他并没有因为她奇怪地在场而坐立不安，而在过去，长期以来，他是绝不允许她在场的。对弗洛伦斯来说这样已经足够了！
他一直在不停地注意着她；他脸上的手绢无意或有意地摆放得使他可以随意地看她；他的视线一秒钟也没有离开过她的脸孔！当她朝着黑暗的角落里向他望过去的时候，她那富于表情的眼睛在无声的语言中比世界上所有的演说家说得更为恳切、更使人感动，它们在缄默的陈诉中向他提出了比语言更为严肃的责备；就在这时候，她的眼光碰到了他的眼光，可是她却不知道！当她重新低下头去干活的时候，他呼吸得舒畅了一些，但却继续同样注意地看着她--看着她那洁白的前额、垂落的头发和忙碌的双手--，而且一旦被她吸引住了，好像就再也没有力量能把他的眼睛移开似的！啊，如果她知道这一切的话，她该会怎么想啊！
这时候他又在想些什么呢？他怀着什么样的情绪在继续暗暗地注视着她的一无所知的女儿呢？他是不是在她安静的身姿与温柔的眼睛中看到了对他的责备了呢？他是不是已经开始认识到她应当得到但却被他忽视了的权利了呢？是不是它们终于打动了他的心，使他猛醒过来，认识到自己过去残酷的不公道了呢？
最严厉、最冷酷的人们虽然时常把他们内心的秘密保守得严严实实的，但在他们的生活中也有柔顺下来的片刻。看到女儿姿容美丽，在他不知不觉之中已经几乎变成一位成年妇女，这也许甚至在他的高傲的生活中也能引来这样柔顺的片刻吧！他身边已经有了一个幸福的家，家庭幸福的守护神正俯伏在他的脚旁，而他过去却顽固不化，绷着脸孔，妄自尊大，没有注意到这个守护神从旁走开，并断送了自己--也许，在脑中闪现的这样一些想法也能使他产生出这样柔顺的片刻吧！虽然她仅仅用眼睛表露，也不知道他已经看出，但他却像清清楚楚地听到她在娓娓动听地向他诉说着纯朴的话语：”啊，爸爸，看在我曾在床边照料过的死去的弟弟的分上，看在我曾度过的苦难的童年的分上，看在我们在深更半夜在这凄凉的房屋中相会的分上，看在我出于内心痛苦所发出的哀哭的分上，请转向我，在我对你的爱中寻求庇护吧，别等到太晚了！”--也许这些话也能激发他进入这样柔顺的片刻吧！还有一些比较卑劣、比较低贱的思想（如他死去的孩子现在已经被新婚所代替，因此他可以原谅曾经取代了他的爱的这个人了），也许也可以促使他产生这样柔顺的片刻吧！甚至就是这样的思想：她可以当作一项装饰品，和他周围所有其他的装饰品与奢侈品一起存在--也许这也足够使他心肠柔顺下来了。可是他愈看她，他对她就愈来愈温柔。当他看着她的时候，她跟他曾心爱过的男孩融合在一起了，他简直不能把他们两人分开。当他看着她的时候，他在片刻间通过更清晰、更明亮的光线看到了她，不再把她看作曾经俯伏在他男孩子的枕头上的他的竞敌（这是多么离奇的思想哟！），而是把她看作他家庭的守护神了，她正在看护着他，正像她过去曾经看护小保罗时的情形一样。他觉得他想跟她谈谈，把她叫到自己身边来。”弗洛伦斯，到这里来吧！”这些话已经到了他的嘴边--不过是缓慢、费劲的，因为他很不习惯这么说--，这时楼梯上响起了脚步声，这些话就被抑制住，说不出来了。
这是他妻子的脚步声。她已经脱去吃晚饭时的服装，换上了一件宽大的长衣，并已松开头发，让它随意地披垂在脖子周围。但是使他吃惊的并不是她的这些改变。
“弗洛伦斯，亲爱的，”她说道，”我一直在到处找你。”
当她坐在弗洛伦斯身旁的时候，她弯下身子，吻了吻她的手。他简直认不出这是他的妻子。她的变化是这么大。不仅她的微笑对他来说是新奇的（虽然他过去从没有见到她微笑），而且她处处表现出来的神态、声调、眼光、关切、信任以及那想使人高兴的愿望，也全都是新奇的。这不是伊迪丝。
“轻一点，亲爱的妈妈。爸爸睡着了。”
现在，这又是伊迪丝了。她朝他所在的角落里望过去，那脸孔和神态是他十分熟悉的。
“我完全没想到你会在这里，弗洛伦斯。”
她在一刹那间又换了个人，变得十分温柔。