诺贝尔文学经典:《宠儿》第9章Part 5

"Uh huh," said Sethe, and told Denver that she believed Beloved had been locked up by somewhiteman for his own purposes, and never let out the door. That she must have escaped to a bridgeor someplace and rinsed the rest out of her mind. Something like that had happened to Ella exceptit was two men — -a father and son — - and Ella remembered every bit of it. For more than a year,they kept her locked in a room for themselves.
"You couldn't think up," Ella had said, "what them two done to me."
Sethe thought it explained Beloved's behavior around Paul D, whom she hated so.
Denver neither believed nor commented on Sethe's speculations, and she lowered her eyes andnever said a word about the cold house. She was certain that Beloved was the white dress that hadknelt with her mother in the keeping room, the true-to-life presence of the baby that had kept hercompany most of her life. And to be looked at by her, however briefly, kept her grateful for therest of the time when she was merely the looker. Besides, she had her own set of questions whichhad nothing to do with the past. The present alone interested Denver, but she was careful to appearuninquisitive about the things she was dying to ask Beloved, for if she pressed too hard, she mightlose the penny that the held-out palm wanted, and lose, therefore, the place beyond appetite. It wasbetter to feast, to have permission to be the looker, because the old hunger — the before-Belovedhunger that drove her into boxwood and cologne for just a taste of a life, to feel it bumpy and notflat — was out of the question. Looking kept it at bay.
So she did not ask Beloved how she knew about the earrings, the night walks to the cold house orthe tip of the thing she saw when Beloved lay down or came undone in her sleep. The look, whenit came, came when Denver had been careful, had explained things, or participated in things, ortold stories to keep her occupied when Sethe was at the restaurant. No given chore was enough toput out the licking fire that seemed always to burn in her. Not when they wrung out sheets so tightthe rinse water ran back up their arms. Not when they shoveled snow from the path to theouthouse. Or broke three inches of ice from the rain barrel; scoured and boiled last summer'scanning jars, packed mud in the cracks of the hen house and warmed the chicks with their skirts.

"哦。"塞丝应道，然后告诉丹芙，她相信宠儿曾经被某个白人关了起来，以满足他的私欲，从来不让出门。她肯定是逃到了一座桥之类的地方，将其余的一切从记忆中洗去。有点像艾拉的故事，不过那是两个男人——父子俩——而且艾拉记得一清二楚。有一年多，他们为了满足自己，一直把她锁在一间屋子里。
"你想象不出来，"艾拉说过，"他们俩对我干了些什么。"
塞丝认为这就能说得通宠儿在保罗·D周围的表现了，她是那么讨厌他。
丹芙不相信塞丝的推测，也不表态，她垂下眼帘，只字不提冷藏室的事。她敢肯定，宠儿就是起居室里和她妈妈跪在一起的白裙子，是伴她度过大半生的那个婴儿以真身出场了。能够得到她哪怕短暂的注视，即使在其余时间里只当个注视者，也让丹芙感激涕零。再说，她有她自己的一系列与过去无关的问题要问。只有现在，才让丹芙感兴趣，可是她小心谨慎地不表露出想问宠儿那些事情的强烈欲望，因为如果她逼得太紧，她就可能失去那枚伸出的手掌讨要的铜子儿，因而失去那超越食欲的地方。最好去大吃大喝，去保留做一个注视者的权利，因为原来的饥饿——宠儿之前的饥饿，驱使她进入黄杨树丛和香水之中，只为尝尝一种生活的味道，品味它的坎坷与不平——已不在考虑之列了。宠儿的注视已将它置于绝境。
所以她没有问宠儿她是怎么知道耳环的，没有问冷藏室的夜行，还有宠儿躺下或解衣睡觉时她看见的那东西的一端。那注视，它来临的时候，往往正是丹芙专心致志的时候，她不是在解释事情，就是在参与做事情，要么就是当塞丝去餐馆时，她正在给宠儿讲故事打发时光。任何分派的家务活都不能扑灭仿佛时时刻刻在她心中燃烧的烈火。她们使劲拧床单、水顺着胳膊直流的时候不能；她们将积雪从小路上铲到厕所里的时候不能；砸碎雨水桶里三英寸厚的冰层时也不能；擦洗和烧煮去年夏天的罐头瓶子、往鸡窝的裂缝上抹泥和用裙子暖和鸡雏的时候还是不能；