三十而立太晚了:为什么说二十几岁才是人生的关键(3)

BT: How can 20somethings reclaim their status as adults given all the cultural trends working against them?

BT：如何让20多岁的年轻人在文化趋势相悖的情况下，重新塑造他们的成年人身份形象呢？

MJ: Don't let culture trivialize your life and work and relationships. Don't hang out only with people who are drinking the 30-is-the-new-20 kool-aid. I cannot tell you how many emails I have received from 30somethings since The Defining Decade came out, ones in which the writer says something like, "I used to roll my eyes at my peers who were determined to meet benchmarks-graduate school, real relationships, decent-paying jobs that reflect their interests-on time or early. Now I'm envious and admiring of them. Now I'm working twice as hard for half the result." Don't shrug your shoulders and say, "I'm in my 20s. What I'm doing doesn't count." Recognize that what you do, and what you don't do, will have an enormous impact across years and even generations. You're deciding your life right now.

MJ：别让这些文化趋势把你的生活、工作和情感变得无聊琐碎。不和那些鼓吹“在新世纪30岁就等于从前的20岁”这类言论的人交朋友。当《决定性的十年》一书出版后，我收到过无数封来自30岁人的email，其中一封信中说道：“以前，我总是对那些努力完成计划的人翻白眼。他们有的在准备读研、有的准备结婚、有的想找自己感兴趣同时又体面的工作……最终都及时甚至是超前地完成了他们的目标。而如今的我又嫉妒又佩服他们，只能用两倍的努力，却只能换来他们已拥有东西的一半。” 千万别耸耸肩无所谓洒脱地说：“我才20出头，做什么都是徒劳。” 区分什么该做、什么不该做能对你的人生、甚至你后代的人生产生巨大的影响。你的人生，要由你自己决定。

BT: As a clinical psychologist, what advice do you have for coping with emotions like anxiety which inevitably arise during times of economic uncertainty?

BT：作为一名临床心理学家，您对于处在当下经济形势不稳定的时刻，那些内心焦虑的年轻人有什么建议？

MJ: Given that life and the brain change so much across our 20s, this is the perfect time to learn new coping strategies. It's not okay to go to work with scars on your arms from cutting, it's not acceptable to scream at friends when things go wrong, and live-in girlfriends get tired of seeing us stoned every night. These are the years to learn to calm yourself down. Gain some control over your emotions. Sure, there's Xanax, which a recent conference presenter I heard only half-jokingly called "Jack Daniels in a Pill." But practice calming techniques that can work over the long run: exercise, therapy, mindfulness, yoga, cognitive meditation, deep breathing, healthy distraction, dialectical behavior therapy. Use your rational mind to counter the anxious and catastrophic thoughts you have: "I probably won't be fired because I dropped one phone call." Try to create your own certainty by making healthy choices and commitments that off-set the upheaval in the world around.

MJ：人们的生活和想法从20岁开始会有很大的转变，所以这正是最佳的学习应对困难的时刻。你要懂得，带着纹身去上班是不对的，出现问题时对朋友大喊大叫是不可取的，同样，也不要每天喝得酩酊大醉地回家——你的同居女友早就受够了。要学会冷静，学会控制情绪。虽然现在好像有种被戏称为“威士忌做成的镇定剂”存在，叫Xanax，不过真正的长期情绪控制还得靠自己。你可以尝试运动、治疗、专注训练、瑜伽、认知冥想、深呼吸、健康的分心、辨证行为疗法等。用理智来战胜焦虑和不安的想法，比如：“我只是漏接了一个电话，并不会因此被炒鱿鱼的。” 在世界环境变化莫测的情况下，你要通过做出正确、有益的选择，来给自己提供稳定。

BT: We loved this quote: "Claiming a career and getting a good job isn't the end, it's the beginning." Can you explain this a bit?

BT：我们很喜欢这句话：“拥有一项事业和开始一份好工作并不是结束，而只是开始。”您可以解释一下这句话吗？

MJ: Most 20somethings are terrified of being pinned down. They're afraid that if they choose a career or a job, they are closing off their other options and somehow their freedom will be gone and their lives will be over. In fact, getting a good job is the beginning. It's the beginning of not hating that question, "What do you do?" It's the beginning of having something on your resume that might help you get that next job you want even more. It's the beginning of not overdrawing your bank account because of a flat tire. It's the beginning of feeling like you could actually think about dating since your time isn't taken up working those three part-time jobs you have in order to avoid a "real job." Research shows that getting going in the work world is the beginning of feeling happier, more confident, competent, and emotionally stable in adulthood.

MJ：很多20出头的年轻人特别害怕稳定下来。他们觉得，如果我选择了一项事业、一份工作，那么未来其他的可能性都被抹杀了、自由被剥夺、人生因此就这么完了。事实上，找到一份好工作仅仅是开始罢了。它能让你在被别人问到：“你是做什么工作的？”时候不再觉得心虚、不爽。它能为你的简历添上一笔，并为你得到下一份更满意的工作提供实质性的帮助。它帮你支付换轮胎的账单，同时保证你不会因此而破产。它将你从没工作时的三份兼职中解救出来，给你闲暇时间，从而提供能外出约会的可能性。研究显示，有了真正工作的人更快乐，更自信，更能干、情绪也更稳定。

BT: Can you discuss some of the current neurobiological research, and how that impacted your writing?

BT：能给我们解释下最近相关的神经生物学研究吗？以及，它们对你写的书产生了什么影响？

MJ: By now probably everyone has heard that the teen brain is not fully developed and that the frontal lobe-the part of the brain where we plan for the future and tackle questions that don't have black-and-white answers-does not reach full "maturity" until sometime during our 20s.

MJ：目前可能大家都知道这个事实——青少年的大脑并未发育完全，额叶（那个我们用来规划生活、解决问题、以及应对一些悬而未决的事情的部分）还没有完全成熟。到了20多岁才能真正算“发育成熟”。

Unfortunately, this fact about the late-maturing frontal lobe has been interpreted as a directive for 20somethings to wait around for their brains to grow up. The real take-home message about the still-developing 20something brain is that whatever it is you want to change about yourself, now is the easiest time to change it. Is your 20something job, or hobby, making you smarter? Are your 20something relationships improving your personality or are they reinforcing old patterns and teaching bad habits?

然而不幸的是，这个事实被误读成“20岁的人还没发育好，所以在成熟前我们可以整天无所事事了”。正确的理解应该是这个——无论你想把自己改造成什么样子，20多岁正是最佳的时机。扪心自问一下，你在20多岁时的工作或爱好，是否有让你变得更聪明灵活？你这一时期的伴侣有没有完善你的人格，抑或加重了你的坏习惯、甚至教会了你不好的东西？

What you do everyday is wiring you to be the adult you will be. That's one reason I love working with 20somethings: They are so darn easy to help because they-and their brains and their lives-can change so quickly and so profoundly.

你现在每天在做的事情，都会影响到你即将成为的那个人。我喜欢处理20多岁的年轻人的问题，因为：要帮助他们非常容易——他们的大脑和生活，可以如此迅速地转换，并因此带来良性巨变。