有关离婚后约会的专家建议
1) Figure out if you really are ready.
1）想清楚自己是否已准备好接受新恋情。Whether it's been one year or six since the Divorce decree, you may never know with absolute clarity that you're truly ready for another relationship. Instead, "it's usually clear when you're not ready," says Susan Pease Gadoua, a therapist and author of Stronger Day by Day: Reflections for Healing and Rebuilding After Divorce. That is, "when the very idea turns you off." But you can decide that you're ready to at least try. Once the idea of going on a date comes into your mind and you don't want to chase it out again, you're at least ready to start, she says. If it's truly awful, take a step back and wait some more.
不管是离婚了一年还是六年，你可能永远都不确定是否真的准备好了迎接一份新恋情。相反，“通常当你还未准备好的时候，你会很清楚，”苏珊•皮塞•加杜阿说道，她是一位治疗师，也是《日益坚强：关于离婚后治愈和恢复的反思》（Stronger Day by Day: Reflections for Healing and Rebuilding After Divorce）一书的作者。也就是说，“这个想法会让你厌烦。”但你至少可以决定愿不愿意尝试。一旦想到出去约会，并且不愿甩掉这个想法的时候，至少表明你已准备好尝试了，她说道。如果感觉真的很糟，那就后退一步继续等待吧。
2) Feel the fear.
2）感受恐惧。
Contemplating the dating scene, many divorced women feel not just garden-variety nerves, but "actual terror," says Dr. Kirschner. Just remember that your fears are normal—after all, you are dealing with or have dealt with a major betrayal and upheaval—and that you don't have to jump all the way in. "Dip a toe in at a time. Tell a few trusted friends that you're interested in meeting people. Accept invitations to parties."
一想到约会时的情景，很多离婚女性不仅紧张，而且会感到“真正的恐惧。”基施纳博士说道。只要提醒自己害怕是正常的就行了——毕竟你正在经历或已经历过一次重大的背叛和动荡——你也无须一次倾尽所有。“每次前进一小步。告诉那些你十分信任的极少数朋友：你现在想要约会。接受别人的邀请，参加派对吧。”3) Avoid negative thinking.
3）不要有消极的想法。While it's not unheard of for a woman wounded by a painful divorce to make statements like "all men are jerks" or "all the good ones are taken," that's obviously not a good mindset to have going into dating, says Dr. Kirschner. "That kind of thinking can tank your mood—and cause you to limit your chances of getting out there and finding love." By forcing yourself to keep your negative thoughts in check, you'll soon be in the habit of thinking optimistically, which will in turn make you more ready to date again. A divorcée may also feel that there's something "wrong" with her since her marriage fell apart, says Dr. Kirschner. If that's the case, start training yourself now to recognize self-sabotaging thoughts, and when self-doubts start to pop up, "visualize a giant red stop sign, or a voice yelling, 'Stop!'" says Dr. Kirschner.
基施纳博士说道，虽然由于痛苦的离婚而受伤的女性会说“所有的男人都是混蛋”“好男人都被别人挑走了”之类的话，但很明显，约会时带着这种心态并不是好事。“那种想法会破坏你的心情——从而导致你从失败的婚姻中走出来并找到真爱的几率降低。”强迫自己不去想那些消极的想法，很快你就会发现自己养成了积极思考的习惯，反过来这也会让你做好准备，接受新的恋情。由于婚姻破裂，离婚女性可能会觉得自己“有问题”，基施纳博士说道。如果是这种情况，那就从现在开始训练自己正视这些自毁的想法，每当自我怀疑之际，就“想象眼前出现了一个巨大的红色停止标志，或是听到有人在大喊‘停！’” 基施纳博士说道。
