别人家孩子的简历！网友感叹好像一辈子都比不过他了……
最近，#5岁小盆友的简历#上了热搜。博主“开八”在微博上发了一位5岁小朋友的简历，网友表示，看完就明白了什么叫“输在了起跑线上”。
正在准备明年毕业找工作的大朋友们，先来学习一下小朋友的自我介绍：
Full-fledged adults should stop whining about how arduous it is to write a decent résumé, because this five-year-old kid in China has just mastered the art of self-aggrandizing.
已经长大成人的各位，可别再抱怨写一份得体的简历有多费劲了，因为中国有个5岁的孩子都已经知道该怎么在简历中表现自己了。
An extensive résumé (in Chinese) by an anonymous kindergarten kid became the hottest topic on Chinese social media. Coming in the form of a 15-page PDF document, the résumé gives an incredibly comprehensive overview of the child’s awe-inspiring history.
近日，一位不知名的幼儿园小朋友的简历成为中国社交媒体的热门话题。这份简历内容丰富详实，是一份长达15页的PDF文档，全面介绍了孩子的成长史，让大家颇为惊叹。
“I was born in a family where both parents are graduates from Fudan University,” the kid proudly states of his family background in the first part. He even makes a pun out of the name of the university, calling himself a “typical fuerdai,” where the fu of the phrase for“second-generation rich”(富二代 fù’èrdài) is replaced with the fu of Fudan University (复 fù).“I hope I can outperform my parents,”he adds.
在简历一开头，孩子就骄傲地简述了家庭背景。他写道：“我的父母都毕业于复旦大学。”他还把“富二代”中的“富”换成了“复旦大学”的“复”，用双关语调侃自己是个“典型的复二代”。他还说：“我要青出于蓝而胜于蓝”。
The kid moves on to describe himself as “confident,” “considerate,” and “strong.” To give examples, he relates that he never cried over vaccine shots and that one and a half years after his birth, he managed to stand up without help from others if he fell to the ground. “Everyone said praises about how I was so brave,” the kid says.
接下来，他在简历中将自己的性格描述为“灵动自信、友善贴心、耐挫坚强”。为了举例证明，他说自己打针从来没哭过，而且在一岁半之后，摔倒了就自己爬起来，不用别人扶。这个孩子在简历中说：“大家都夸我勇敢”。
小朋友在简历中说：“自己做过20多本思维书，里面有空间思维、记忆力训练、逻辑推理、计算练习、几何认知等。通过实验了解浮力、密度、磁力、重力……”“从小班开始就是小主持人，从四岁半开始学钢琴，还一直坚持学街舞，两岁多开始学习涂鸦，已经有150多幅作品”。
He also explains how he excelled in four things — literature and history, science and math, arts, and sports. “I write three English essays per week to express my feelings,” he says, adding that he has a variety of hobbies outside school, such as piano, hip-hop dance, soccer, and Go.
他还描述了自己在文史、数理、艺术和运动方面的突出表现。他写道：“我每周写三篇英语日记来记录我当天的心情”。他还说自己有丰富的课外爱好，比如钢琴、街舞、足球和围棋。
In addition, the document includes the kid’s daily schedule, comments from his teachers, and a map that indicates every place he has traveled to.
此外，简历还列出了孩子的日程安排，老师的评语，还有一幅标记了他所去过的国家和城市的地图。
One admirable quality of the kid’s that really stands out is that the boy is a big reader. He says that he read over 500 English books in the past year. At the end of the résumé, there are five pages listing all the English books he has read so far. On a related note, it’s worth mentioning that a recent study suggests that nearly two-thirds of all Chinese over the age of 18 read no books in their leisure time in 2017.
这位5岁的孩子最让人钦佩的一个优点是“读万卷书”。他说自己去年一共读了500本英文书。简历末尾用5页的篇幅列出了他读过的全部英语书目。值得一提的是，最近一项调查指出，中国近三分之二的18岁以上成年人在2017年没有在空闲时间读过一本书。
According to Weibo user kāi bā 开八, who shared the résumé but didn’t disclose how he obtained it, the document appears to be part of some application materials for an international primary school.“Both parents are high achievers working in high-profile positions at international firms,” the user wrote.
微博用户“开八”在网上分享了这份简历，但没有透露来源。据他说，这份简历似乎是用来申请就读国际学校的材料。他在微博中写道：“父母都非常厉害，在高薪行业的头部国际公司做高管。”
这份“惊为天人”的简历被“开八”贴出后，至今在微博已有近4万的转发，留言数量更达到2万条。
这份简历又带给了网友们新一轮的焦虑，就连微博CEO@来去之间都转发微博并评论：转发焦虑。
不少网友调侃说：“我好像这辈子都比不过这个孩子了”，“算了，我还是不要小孩了”。
更悲哀的是，有人感叹自己连这个简历PDF也不会做。
但也有人对该小朋友的简历表示无奈，“他，开心吗？”
但也有网友表达了另一种看法：
有网友直言不讳：“你以为是孩子的差距，其实是你”。
有网友批评说，中国的“超前教育”泛滥已让几乎所有学龄前儿童的家长都陷入了集体焦虑中。“不少家长们会不自觉地将抢跑的优势无限放大，并以为在起跑线上抢跑就等于一直领先到达终点，这真是大错特错。”
The résumé is undoubtedly remarkable. But let’s be real. The amount of effort and skill needed to put it together is far beyond the capability of a five-year-old. So it’s safe to say that the kid’s parents are the ones who deserve all the credit. Or as some internet users speculated, since the parents are executives with busy schedules, the résumé was possibly written by their subordinates.
这份简历无疑引人瞩目。但我们还是现实一些吧，一个5岁的孩子是绝没有这样的能力自己做出来的。所以简历的制作肯定是孩子的家长代劳。还有些网友猜测说，孩子的父母是高管，日程安排繁忙，或许还是让属下代写的。
Whatever the case may be, this viral résumé offers an intriguing glimpse into China’s hyper-competitive education system, where getting into an elite primary school has become more cutthroat than ever.
不管是哪种情况，这份在网上走红的简历让我们窥见了中国竞争激烈的教育体制，想要进入一所精英小学就读越来越难了。
