像奶奶那样去爱

My dear grandmother
我亲爱的曾祖母
passed away almost 18 years ago
去世已经约莫18年了
but I still miss her
但我仍然想念她
every single day.
每一天都如此
She was such an important part of my life.
她在我的生活中占据着十分重要的地位
My Mom, Dad, brothers and I
我和哥哥们，爸爸妈妈
lived in her old house
一直住在她的老房子里
for most of my childhood.
几乎贯穿我整个童年
And when I close my eyes
每当我闭上眼睛
and open my heart
敞开心扉
that is how I remember her.
就会记起她
I can still see her
她似乎仍在我眼前
in her flower print, cotton dress
穿着印花的棉质连衣裙
with a flour dusted apron tied over it.
外面系着一条沾满面粉的围裙
I can see
我仍能看到
her smiling face
她微笑的脸庞
with her wispy hair all askew
一绺绺头发无不凌乱
and her big glasses sliding down her nose.
一副大眼镜从鼻梁上滑下来
I can hear
我还能听到
her high pitched voice say,
她尖着嗓子叫
"HELLO"
“你好呀”
as I opened the door after school
当我放学回家，打开门的时候
while her arms opened
那时，她张开双臂
to give me a big hug and kiss.
给我一个大大的拥抱，一个甜甜的吻
I can even remember
我还能记得
how she smelled.
她身上的气息
It was a curious combination
那是许多气味的混合，十分有意思
of cold cream, Ben Gay,
里面有雪花膏的味道，药膏的味道
garlic, and tomato sauce.
大蒜的味道，还有番茄酱的味道
And when she hugged me
当她拥抱我的时候
I could feel the love and joy
我能感受到她的爱和愉悦
coming from her heart into mine.
从她的心传递到我的心
I thought I knew everything about my "Nana"
我以为自己知道关于外婆的一切
but amazingly
然而，令我惊叹的是
I am still learning more about her
我还能不停的得知新的关于她的事情
even today.
甚至就在今天也是如此
Just yesterday
就在昨天
an old family friend
我们家的一个老朋友
stopped to talk to me at the local post office.
看到我在邮局里，特意停脚来跟我打招呼
She told me
她告诉我
of what happened once while she visited my Nana
从前有一次她去拜访我奶奶的时候发生的事情
when I was still a little boy.
那时我还是个小男孩
They were sitting around the dining room table
她们围坐在餐厅桌旁 talking相谈甚欢
and our friend noticed the lovely earrings
这位朋友注意到了一对可爱的耳环
my Nana was wearing.
带在奶奶的耳朵上
She told Nana
她告诉奶奶
about how much she liked them
自己多么喜欢这对耳环
and asked
并且问
if possibly
如果可能的话
she could leave them to her in her will.
对方是否愿意在遗嘱里写上，把它们转赠给她
Without a second thought
没有半刻的迟疑
my sweet Nana took them off
我善良的奶奶摘下耳环
and gave them to her on the spot.
当场就将它们交给了她
After our friend left
这位朋友离开之后
I stood there
我站在原地
for a few minutes
好几分钟
in amazement.
仍然震惊不已
I had never known this
我从未听说过这件事
and as far as I could tell
而且就我所知
Nana never mentioned it to anyone.
奶奶从未对任何人说起这件事
That was just like her.
这就是奶奶的风格
She may have been feisty and temperamental
或许她曾经有些强势，有些容易激动
at times
但那只是偶尔
but
然而
she loved deeply
她却爱得深沉
and she gave freely.
并且慷慨的倾其所有
I have decided then
那时我便决定
that I want to love like Nana loved.
我想要像奶奶爱别人那样去爱
I want to give like Nana gave.
我想要像奶奶付出那样倾我所有
I want to live like Nana lived.
我想要像奶奶过去那样去生活
I want to care more about people
我想要更多的关心他人
and less about things.
更少的关心物质
I want to let my heart
我想要让自己的心
rather than my fear guide me.
而不是我的恐惧引领我
I want to share my love
我想要传播自己的爱
freely and joyfully.
自由而欢喜的
I want to give
我想要付出
and to live
想要生活
in such a way that sings and smiles.
想要生活中有歌声与微笑
May you do the same.
希望你亦能如此