精选英语笑话

下面是本站小编整理的精选英语笑话，欢迎大家阅读!

　　精选英语笑话一：I want a nightmare 想做坏梦

Before the final examination, Tom told his mother, "Mom, I had a dream last night that I'd passed today's exam."

"Don't trust dreams, dear. It is said what you experience in dreams usually turns out to be the opposite." Mother replied.

"Then I do hope I'll fail the other subjects in my dream tonight," Tom said.

在期末考试之前，汤姆告诉他的母亲：“妈妈，我昨天晚上做了一个梦，梦见我通过了今天的考试。”

“不要相信梦，亲爱的。据说梦中的经历通常与现实相反。”妈妈答道。

“那么，我真希望在今晚的梦中，我的其他功课都不及格。”汤姆说。

　　精选英语笑话二：Big hands 大手

Teacher: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?

Student: Big hands.

老师：如果我左手上有7个桔子，右手上有8个桔子。那么我有什么?

学生：大手。

　　精选英语笑话三：The teacher cried 老师哭了

The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled. His father knew it, but his grandma doted on(溺爱，宠爱) him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum(乱发脾气) . Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.

When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door. "Was school all right?" she asked, "Did you get along all right? Did you cry?"

"Cry?" John asked. "No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!"

六岁的约翰娇生惯养。他的父亲知道这一点，可他的祖父母仍然宠着他。这孩子几乎寸步不离他的祖母。他想要什么不是哭，就是闹。

他第一天上学才离开祖母的怀抱。约翰放学了，他奶奶在门口接他并问道：“学校怎么样?你过的好吗?哭了没有?”

“哭?”约翰问，“不，我没哭，可老师哭了。”

　　精选英语笑话四：我丈夫刚进来

The couple seated in restaurant seemed to be having a wonderful time. But as the woman glanced away from the table，their waiter suddenly rushed over.

在饭馆里坐着一对夫妇，他们看上去非常高兴。但是当那女子向旁边瞥了一眼时，服务员马上跑了过来。

“Madam look,”he said.“Your husband just slid under the table.”

“夫人，您瞧,” 他说,“您丈夫滑到桌子底下去了。”

“No,he didn't,”she replied.“My husband just came in the door.”

“不，他没有,” 她回答,“我丈夫刚从门外进来。”

　　精选英语笑话五：有两条裤子

A young man came home from work and found his bride upset. "I feel terrible,” she said. "I was pressing your suit and I burned a big hole in the seat of your trousers.”

丈夫下班回到家里，发现自己的新娘心绪烦乱。“我心里太难受了，”她说。“我在给你熨西装时把裤子的臀部烧了个大洞。”

“Forget it ,” consoled her husband. “Remember that I’ve got an extra pair of pants for that suit.”

“没事儿，”丈夫安慰她说。“你忘了我这套衣服有两条裤子。”

“Yes,” said the woman, cheering up. "And it’s lucky you have. I used them to patch the hole.”

“是的，”妻子高兴地说，“幸亏你还有一条，我后来就用它来补了这个洞了。”

　　精选英语笑话六：死于肝癌的人100%都吃饭

Wife:You rding to te statistics on the paper 80% of

those who have died of liver cancer have drunk alcoho.

妻子：你瞧，根据这报上登的统计数字，那些死于肝癌的人有80%都喝酒。

Husband:It's okey. To my investigation, all Thespeopleeat　meals.

丈夫：那就不错了。据我调查，所有这些人都吃饭呢。