圣诞节经典英语笑话

Good Lights 好灯

A customer walked into our store looking for Christmas lights. I showed her our top brand, but—wanting to make sure each bulb worked—she asked me to take them out of the box and plug them in. I did, and each one lit up. "Great," she said. I carefully placed the string of lights back in the box. But as I handed them to her, she looked alarmed. "I don’t want this box," she said abruptly. "It’s been opened."

一位顾客进我们的商店买圣诞灯。我给她看了我们店里最好的牌子，但还需确认一下灯泡是否正常。她让我把灯泡从盒子里拿出来，然后通上电。我照做了。每一个灯泡都是正常的。她说:“非常好。”我小心翼翼地把这串圣诞灯放回盒子里。可当我把这一盒灯泡交给她时，她吃惊地看着我，突然说：“我不要这一盒，它打开过的。”

　勒索圣诞树 An Axe to Grind

A boy begs his father to get him a Christmas tree this year.

一个孩子求他爸爸，说能不能今年为家里准备一棵圣诞树

Each year, the boy asks and the father tells him, "I don't want to pay for it."

小男孩每年求他爸爸得到的都是同样的回答“我可不想为一棵树付钱。”

But the son kept begging. Unable to bear his son's whining, he picks up his axe one day and heads out of the house.

但是小男孩不放弃的一直祈求，终于有一天，他爸被他的哀求折磨得受不了，他拿起一把斧子，直接冲出了门。

Thirty minutes later he returns with a great big Christmas tree. "How did you cut it down so fast?" his son asks.

30分钟后，他爸爸带着一棵超大的圣诞树回到了加。他儿子问：“你怎么会砍得那么快?”

"I didn't cut it down," the father replies.

他爸爸回答到：“我不是砍的”

"I got it at a tree lot."

“我是从一个圣诞树销售中心拿的”

"Then why did you bring an axe?"

“那你为什么还要带把斧子去呢?”

"Because I didn't want to pay."

“因为我不想付钱”

Limited Knowledge 圣诞老人知识有限

As we were putting out cookies for Santa on Christmas Eve, I accidentally dropped one. "No problem," I said, picking it up and dusting it off before placing it back on the plate. "You can’t do that," argued my four-year-old. "Don’t worry. Santa will never know." He shot me a look. "So he knows if I’ve been bad or good, but he doesn’t know the cookie fell on the floor?"

平安夜那天，在我们分发饼干时，我一不小心掉了一块到地上。“没关系。”我一边说，一边捡起来，并在放回盘子前掸掉了上面的灰。“你不能那么做。”我四岁大的孩子争论道。“别担心，圣诞老人不会知道的。”他朝我瞟了一眼。“这就是说他知道我有没有做坏事，而他不知道饼干掉在地上过?”

Christmas Eve Service 平安夜礼拜

Just as I began my Christmas Eve service, the electricity in the church failed. The ushers and I found some candles and placed them around the sanctuary. Then I reentered the pulpit, shuffled my notes, and muttered, "Now, where was I?" A tired voice called out, "Right near the end!"

就在我开始平安夜祷告时，教堂停电了。教堂里的接待人员和我找到一些蜡烛，把它们放在礼堂周围。然后我重返讲道坛，整理了一下笔记后，我说：“刚才我讲到哪儿了?”传来一阵不耐烦的声音：“马上就讲完了!”