经典科幻文学:《宇宙尽头的餐馆》第17章3

For a few interminable seconds the Restaurant span silently through the raging void. Then Max spoke again.
“For those of you who ever hoped to see the light at the end of the tunnel,” he said, “this is it.”
The band struck up again.
“Thank you, ladies and gentlemen,” cried Max, “I’ll be back with you again in just a moment, and meanwhile I leave you in the very capable hands of Mr. Reg Nullify and his cataclysmic Combo. Big hand please ladies and gentlemen for Reg and the boys!”
The baleful turmoil of the skies continued. Hesitantly the audience began to clap and after a moment or so normal conversation resumed. Max began his round of the tables, swapping jokes, shouting with laughter, earning his living.
A large dairy animal approached Zaphod Beeblebrox’s table, a large fat meaty quadruped of the bovine type with large watery eyes, small horns and what might almost have been an ingratiating smile on its lips.
“Good evening,” it lowed and sat back heavily on its haunches, “I am the main Dish of the Day. May I interest you in parts of my body?” It harrumphed and gurgled a bit, wriggled its hind quarters into a more comfortable position and gazed peacefully at them.
Its gaze was met by looks of startled bewilderment from Arthur and Trillian, a resigned shrug from Ford Prefect and naked hunger from Zaphod Beeblebrox.
“Something off the shoulder perhaps?” suggested the animal, “Braised in a white wine sauce?”
“Er, your shoulder?” said Arthur in a horrified whisper.
“But naturally my shoulder, sir,” mooed the animal contentedly, “nobody else’s is mine to offer.”
Zaphod leapt to his feet and started prodding and feeling the animal’s shoulder appreciatively.
“Or the rump is very good,” murmured the animal. “I’ve been exercising it and eating plenty of grain, so there’s a lot of good meat there.” It gave a mellow grunt, gurgled again and started to chew the cud. It swallowed the cud again.
“Or a casserole of me perhaps?” it added.
“You mean this animal actually wants us to eat it?” whispered Trillian to Ford.
“Me?” said Ford, with a glazed look in his eyes, “I don’t mean anything.”
“That’s absolutely horrible,” exclaimed Arthur, “the most revolting thing I’ve ever heard.”
“What’s the problem, Earthman?” said Zaphod, now transferring his attention to the animal’s enormous rump. “I just don’t want to eat an animal that’s standing here inviting me to,” said Arthur, “it’s heartless.”
“Better than eating an animal that doesn’t want to be eaten,” said Zaphod.
“That’s not the point,” Arthur protested. Then he thought about it for a moment. “Alright,” he said, “maybe it is the point. I don’t care, I’m not going to think about it now. I’ll just… er…”
The Universe raged about him in its death throes.

在似乎永无止境的几秒钟内，整个餐馆在狂暴的虚空巾寂静地旋转衄后，马克斯终于义开口了。
“你们希望见到宇宙隧道尽头的光芒，”他说，“这就是了。”
乐队重新开始演奏。
“谢谢，女士们先生们，”马克斯喊道，“我待会儿再回来陪你们，而现在，我将把你们交给瑞格·纳利发先生那异常灵巧的手以及他的大洪水爵士乐队？掌声热烈些吧，女士们、先生们，为瑞格和他的伙伴们！”
天空中，邪恶的骚动继续着。但片刻之后，正常的交谈就恢复了，马克斯开始在餐桌问穿棱，和客人们开着玩笑，一边大笑一边高声喊叫，以此赚取自己的生活费。
一头巨大的哺乳动物走到赞福德·毕博布鲁克斯的餐桌旁。这是一头肥厚多肉的牛状四足动物，有着巨大的的跟睛和小型的角，嘴上带着几乎可以理解为讨好的笑容，
“晚上好，”它降低身子，向后重重地坐在自己的后腿上，“我是今天例餐的主菜，我能向你们介绍我身体的各个部位吗？”它清了清嗓子，“哼哼”了几声，扭动着把自己的后四分之一部分身体调整成一种更舒服的姿势，然后平静地盯着他们。
它的目光遇上了阿瑟和崔莉恩投来的吃惊而迷惑的目光，以及福特顺其自然的耸肩，还有赞福德·毕博布鲁克斯表现出来的赤裸裸的饥肠辘辘。
“也许可以来点儿肩膀上的肉，”这头动物建议说，“用白葡萄酒调味汁来炖。”
“嗯，你的肩膀吗，”鲥瑟毛目悚然地小声问道，
‘当然是我的肩膀啦，先生，”这又动物满足地哼哼着，“我才不提供别人的东西呢。”
赞福德起来，开始颇为欣赏地戳戳它的肩膀，感受着它的肉质。
“或者，臀部的肉也非常不错。”这动物咕哝道，“我一直在锻炼这个部位，还吃了很多的粮食，所以，这儿有许多不错的肉。”它发出了舒眼的哼哼声，开始咀嚼反有的食物，然后再把这些食物咽下去。
“或者，也许可以拿我做道砂锅炖菜。”它又补充了一句。
“你的意思是这头动物真的心甘情愿让我们吃掉它？”崔莉恩低声问福特。
‘我……”福特说，目光有些呆滞，“我什么意思也没有。”
‘这太可怕了。”阿瑟惊呼，“这是我听到过的最令人震惊的事。”
“有什么问题吗，地球人？”赞福德说，他的注意力已经转移到了这动物巨大的臀部了，“我吃它，”阿瑟说“这太残忍了。”
“总比吃一头不总被吃掉的动物好吧。”赞福德说。
“问题的关键不是这个。”阿瑟抗议道。然后他又考虑了一会儿，“好吧，”他说，“也许这确实是关键。我不在乎，现在我不会再想这个问题了。我只是……嗯……”
字宙以自己临终前的痛苦挣扎表达了他的愤怒。