让昨日随风 Letting Go of Yesterday

On Saturday, February 12 two thousand, two things happened that changed everything in my life. The first was that on this day my baby sister was married. She was twenty-six this day, and yet to me she was still my baby sister. I suppose that I pictured her as a little girl, and treated her like one in order to hold onto and preserve my own youth. Until I saw her in her wedding dress I still had a vision of her with chubby little cheeks and long, dark-brown pigtails blowing in the wind, perhaps even a permanent smudge of chocolate around her pink lips. I guess it's true that you see only what you want to see. Where did this beautiful woman with the glowing complexion and gentle curves come from?

2000年2月12日，星期六，那天发生的两件事改变了我的此后的生活。第一件是小妹妹那天结婚了。当时她已经26岁了，但对我来说，她还是我的小妹妹。我总是把她看作小女孩，也把她当一个小女孩来对待。我想这是因为我希望通过这种方式来永葆青春。直到看到她身着婚纱的那一刻，浮现在我脑海的还是那个小圆脸蛋，长长的褐色马尾巴在风中摆动的小女孩；也许还有一块巧克力总是粘在她那粉红色的嘴唇上。我想人总是看见自己想看的东西。眼前这位容光焕发、线条优美的女人是谁呢？

I was happy that day, and also sad. Gone were the days of me bossing her around and telling her what she should do with her life. My bossy behavior had earned me the nickname Lucy. If you are a Peanuts fan then you can clearly imagine my behavior as an older sister. To me it wasn't an insult; I rather like the nickname Lucy. I happen to think that Lucy is strong and has incredible self-confidence, although she is a little overbearing at times. I did my best to live up to the standards set forth by this dynamic cartoon character.

那天我既高兴又伤心。过去我对她呼来唤去，告诉她生活应该怎样过的日子已经一去不回了。因为独断蛮横我得到了露西这个外号。如果你也喜欢看《花生》这部动画片，那你一定可以想象我作为一个大姐姐的样子。我不觉得这个外号是一种侮辱，反倒很喜欢它。我有时还想，强大的露西自信得令人难以置信，虽然她有时也让人难以忍受。我努力向这个生气勃勃的卡通形象看齐。

I left the reception to get some air because suddenly I was overcome with grief at the realization that I was no longer a child. I went outside and walked to a nearby playground where there were children playing on the slide, the swings and digging in the dirt. There was a little girl twirling around on a bar, one knee wrapped tightly around the bar and fashioned behind her knee. It was all I could do to sit there and just watch, for I too wanted to get on that bar with her and see if I could still hold the all-time twirling record (ninety-nine times in fifth grade). Somewhere inside I knew that I would break my neck, and I was wearing a bridesmaid dress. Not exactly play ground material. And so I sat watching the children play. I'm not sure how long I sat there before my sister came and joined me. We talked about how we are grown up now and shed a few tears for our childhood days gone by. As she wiped a tear from my eye she lovingly said, "you'll always be Lucy to me." We hugged.

我离开了婚礼现场，到外面去呼吸些新鲜空气。我突然伤感不已，因为自己已经不再是个孩子了。我走到外面，来到附近的一个运动场边，小孩子正在那里玩滑梯、荡秋千、玩泥沙。有个小女孩正在一个杠上快速地转动，一条腿紧紧地勾在杠上。而我所能做的只是坐在那里看看，我也想跟她一起玩，看看能否再重现当年自己转圈的最高记录（五年级时一次达到99次）。但我很清楚，这样我可能会扭断脖子。再说我正穿着伴娘服，不适合运动。于是我只好坐在那里看孩子们玩耍。不知过了多久，妹妹来到我身边。我们谈起自己已经长大了，并为逝去的孩童时光流下了泪。她替我擦干眼泪，充满爱意地说："你永远都是我的露西。" 我们拥抱在了一起。

My cousin Mike walked over and told my sister that it was time to cut the cake. And then he dropped bomb number two on me. "Hey, did you guys hear that Charles Schultz died today?" He said it like it was no big deal. He took my sister's arm and turned to head back for the reception hall. "Coming?" They asked. "In a minute." I replied, and sat back down on the bench, dizzy from what he had just told me.

表弟迈克走过来告诉妹妹该切蛋糕了。接着他给我扔下了第二颗炸弹。"嘿，你们知道查尔斯·舒尔兹今天去世了吗？"他说得很轻松，然后挽着妹妹的手臂向婚礼现场走去。"来吗？"他们问道。"等会儿，"我回答说，又在椅子上坐了下来，他刚刚告诉我的消息让我眩晕。

Dead? How could Charles Schultz be dead? He was my creator! And though I have never met the man personally, he has always been like an invisible father to me. He did, after all, fashion a famous character after me. I lost so many things on this day. Innocence slipped away from me like a thief in the night: come and gone before I could do anything about it, taking with it all the treasures that I held most valuable in my heart. I felt myself grow up, all in one moment. Reality rushed in around me like a hurricane tide. There was nowhere to run to. All I could do was sit there and watch it destroy and reshape what had existed only a moment before. I was no longer a child. I was no longer Lucy who knew what was best for everyone else. I saw, for the first time, what I really was—a thirty-year old woman with a husband of my own, and soon, a child of my own.

去世了？查尔斯·舒尔兹怎么可能会去世呢？是他创造了我！虽然我从来没和他见过面，但对于我来说，他一直都像是一位看不见的父亲一样。他毕竟为我创造了一个有名的角色。就在那一天，我失去了那么多东西，童真就像一个在夜里行窃的小偷一样，无声无息地溜走了：在我还来不及做点什么的时候就已经走了，带走了我心底深处最宝贵的财富。就在那一刻，我意识到自己已经长大了。现实像暴风浪一样向我袭来。我无处可逃。我只能坐在那里，看着它把刚刚还存在的东西毁掉，接着又重塑。我不再是个孩子。我不再是知道那个神通广大的露西了。我第一次意识到真正的我——一个有自己的丈夫，很快会有我们的孩子的三十岁的女人。

I allowed the tide to carry my sadness out with it. Take it out to sea, for it serves no purpose in my life. I stood up from the bench; a little taller than I was when I sat down. I turned and headed back to the hall, hoping I didn't miss the cutting of the cake. It was the day my sister grew wings of her own and left the nest. It was the day that Lucy died, and I was born.

我任由巨浪带走我的悲伤，送到大海中去。因为它对于我的生命来说再没什么意义了。我从椅子上站了起来，比我坐着时高了一些。我转身向婚礼现场走去，希望没错过切蛋糕的场面。今天是妹妹展翅出巢一天，也是露西死去，我得到新生的一天。