不止中国父母逼儿结婚 美国老人也盼着抱孙子

It's a natural part of growing older. People start to long for grandchildren -- and many start to pressure their adult child, in overt or subtle ways, to produce those grandchildren.

随着年纪越来越大，老人自然而然地会想要孙子孙女，很多人开始以或明或暗的方式对儿女施加压力，让他们早点生孩子。

For the current generation of would-be grandparents and their children, those desires are getting more urgent -- and the pressure is getting a lot more intense.

对于目前这一代想抱孙子的老人及其儿女来说，这种渴望变得越来越迫切——压力也越来越大。

It comes down to simple arithmetic. More individuals are waiting until their 30s and beyond to have their first child. Perhaps they want to get their finances or career in order first, find the right partner or take on other big projects like an advanced degree or world travel.

其实就是简单的算术问题。越来越多的人都等到30岁甚至30岁以上才要第一个孩子。也许他们想先把财务问题或者事业搞定，先找到合适的伴侣或者完成其他大事，比如念个高级学位或者环球旅行。

Whatever the reason, the result is that their parents have to wait longer for their first grandchild -- perhaps to age 70 instead of age 60. They have to worry about whether they will be healthy enough to help out and enjoy the time they have with their grandchildren. Or if they'll be alive at all.

无论是何种原因，结果都是他们的父母必须等待更长的时间才能抱上孙子——也许要等到70岁而不是60岁。他们得担心到时候自己身体是否足够健康，是否能帮上忙并享受和孙子孙女在一起的时光。或者担心自己是否还活着。

The shift is 'ringing alarm bells,' says Mary Jane Horton, 62 years old, a writer, editor and blogger who lives in Pasadena, Calif., and is hoping for grandchildren sooner rather than later. 'We know intellectually that we have to wait, but we don't want to,' adds Ms. Horton, who likens the feeling to that of a 'biological clock' for grandparents.

62岁的玛丽·简·霍顿(Mary Jane Horton)是加州帕萨迪纳(Pasadena)的一名作家、编辑及博主。她希望能尽快抱上孙子。她说年龄“正在敲响警钟”。她说：“在理智上我们知道必须得等，但我们不想等。”她把这种感觉比喻成祖父母的“生物钟”。

Experts say the trend toward older grandparenthood may also change aspects of the relationship between grandparents and grandchildren. The benefits of growing up with grandparents are well documented: Aside from serving as an extra source of child care and economic support, grandparents often 'form an alternative attachment to the child that can be very important to the child's development,' says Merril Silverstein, a professor of sociology at Syracuse University who focuses on aging.

专家说，当上祖父母的时间越来越晚这种趋势可能还会改变祖孙关系的方方面面。雪城大学(Syracuse University)专注老年研究的社会学教授梅里尔·西尔弗斯坦(Merril Silverstein)说，孩子跟着祖父母长大有很多好处：除了在照顾孩子和经济上能够予以支持，祖父母通常会“对孩子形成另外一种对儿童发展非常重要的依恋情感”。

But while older grandparents typically make greater financial contributions to their grandchildren, they often provide less in the way of child care and are 'less likely to interact and recreate' with them on a daily basis, Prof. Silverstein says. True, longevity gains give them 'more opportunities to engage,' he says. But for some, poor health can get in the way.

然而，西尔弗斯坦教授说，尽管年纪较大的祖父母一般会为孙辈提供更多经济上的支持，但在照顾孩子方面的帮助没那么多，而且不大可能做到“每天和孩子互动和玩耍”。他说，不可否认，长寿会让老人有“更多的机会和孩子接触”。但对有些人来说，健康问题会成为障碍。

And there's no denying the math: Older grandparents have fewer years with their grandchildren.

另外还有一个不可否认的事实：年纪越大，能和孙辈在一起的时间就会越短。

Interviews with dozens of couples, would-be grandparents and educators across the country make it clear that much of this is difficult to resolve. Talking, of course, helps -- about expectations, timetables, fears. Some would-be grandparents are finding other outlets, like volunteer work, for their frustrations. Still others are offering to pay for fertility treatments and child care -- just to ensure the possibility of grandchildren.

通过对全美数十位包括夫妻、想抱孙子的老人以及教育工作者在内的人士进行采访，我们发现这个问题很难解决。把自己的期望、时间表和担忧讲出来当然会有所帮助。有些想抱孙子的老人在为自己的沮丧心情找其他出口，比如志愿者工作。也有人提出为儿女的生育治疗以及照顾孩子出钱——只是为了确保有抱上孙子的可能。

But more often than not, the two generations end up reaching an uncomfortable truce, one where adult children invariably hold an edge. 'You want to tell them to hurry up, but they aren't working on your schedule,' says Mary Ellen Strote, 72, a part-time editor in Calabasas, Calif., who recently became a first-time grandmother.

但两代人最后往往会达成某种双方都觉得不舒服的休战协定，而且儿女总是占上风。72岁的玛丽·艾伦·斯特罗特(Mary Ellen Strote)是加州卡拉巴萨斯(Calabasas)的一名兼职编辑，最近刚刚抱上了第一个孙子。她说：“你想告诉他们要抓紧，但他们并不按你的计划行事。”

Economics tells a big part of the story. In response to the recession, the U.S. fertility rate between 2007 and 2012 plunged to an all-time low, as women of all ages -- except for those 35 and older -- put off childbearing or opted against having children. Combined with longer-term cultural shifts, including greater educational and workplace opportunities for women, this has caused the proportion of first births to women ages 35 and older to rise to nearly one in 12 today from one in 100 in 1970. (Overall, nearly one in seven children is now born to women in that age group.)

经济学能说明很大问题。由于经济萧条，2007年和2012年间美国的生育率跌至历史最低，因为35岁以下的女性都在推迟生育或者选择不生孩子。加上包括女性教育和工作机会增多在内的更长期的文化转变因素，导致现在35岁及以上女性首次生育的比例从1970年的1:100增至1:12。（总体来看，目前近七分之一的儿童均由35岁及以上女性生育。）

At the same time, the percentage of women ages 40 to 44 who have never given birth has nearly doubled to 18%, according to the Pew Research Center.

与此同时，据皮尤研究中心(Pew Research Center)统计，40至44岁从未生育的女性比例已经增长近一倍，达到18%。

Amid the procrastination, the average age at which Americans first become grandparents is on the rise, as well. Consider: The proportion of women ages 60 to 64 with no grandchildren is expected to reach 25% by 2020, up from 10% in the 1990s, according to Peter Uhlenberg, a sociology professor at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill.

Jared Strote图为72岁的玛丽•艾伦•斯特罗特(Mary Ellen Strote)和她的两个孙女。她说，巨大的年龄差距让“一切都变得更紧张了”。由于生育推迟，美国老人抱上第一个孙子的平均年龄也在增大。北卡罗来纳大学教堂山分校(University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill)社会学教授彼得·乌伦贝格(Peter Uhlenberg)表示，60至64岁没有孙子孙女的女性比例将于2020年达到25%，而1990年代仅为10%。

In the end, the delays shortchange both grandparent and grandchild -- at least according to older adults. That's because, once a grandchild finally arrives, there is less time to develop close ties. And time that is spent together invariably feels rushed -- even frantic.

总的来说，推迟生育对祖孙两辈都不公平——至少老人们是这样认为的。这是因为，等孙子终于出生以后，培养亲密关系的时间变少了。祖孙在一起的时候难免会感觉时间紧迫——甚至慌乱。

'We feel pressure to compress the years we would have had with them into a shorter period,' says Marsha Winer, 77. The Palos Verdes Estates, Calif., resident and her husband, Nate, 78, became first-time grandparents two years ago when their son Dan, now 50, and his wife, Stephanie, adopted two children. Today, the Winers try to pack as many grandparenting moments as possible into their visits with Caleb, 3, and David, 2: visits to the zoo and aquarium, baking cookies, shooting baskets on a minihoop.

77岁的玛莎·瓦内(Marsha Winer)和78岁的丈夫内特(Nate)住在加州帕洛斯弗迪斯庄园(Palos Verdes Estates)，他们在两年前有了孙子，当时他们50岁的儿子丹(Dan)和妻子斯蒂芬妮(Stephanie)领养了两个孩子：凯莱布(Caleb)和大卫(David)，目前分别是三岁和两岁。玛莎说：“要把我们和两个孩子在一起的时间压缩得更短，我们感到有压力。”如今，瓦内夫妇每次去看凯莱布和大卫的时候都尽量尽到做爷爷奶奶的责任：带他们去动物园和水族馆，做曲奇饼干，玩迷你篮筐投球。

'The boys are so much fun to be with -- it really has changed our lives,' Ms. Winer says. Still, she adds, 'We both wish [this] had happened 10 to 15 years ago.'

玛莎说：“和孩子们在一起太好玩了——彻底改变了我们的生活。”不过，她补充说：“我们都希望10到15年前就能这样。”

Ms. Strote, the 72-year-old editor in California, says the age gap between herself and her grandchildren -- Maisy, 4, and Penelope, almost 2 -- makes 'everything a little more intense.'

加州72岁的编辑斯特罗特说，她和两个孙女的年龄差让“所有的一切都变得更紧张了”。两个孙女分别叫梅西(Maisy)和佩内洛普(Penelope)，梅西四岁，佩内洛普快两岁了。

Ms. Strote, who goes to the gym regularly, has no trouble taking long walks, rolling down hills and playing on the ground with her granddaughters. But she also knows she may not be able to do that for long. 'There is more awareness on my part that I am not going to play as large of a role in their lives as my grandparents played in my life,' she says. 'Chances are, they won't have the same vivid memories of me as an active person who is involved in their lives as I had of my grandmother and my children had of their grandmother.'

由于经常去健身房，斯特罗特和孙女一起长时间走路、从山坡往下滚、在游乐场玩耍都没有问题。但她也知道能做到这些的时间没多少了。她说：“我越来越意识到，我不会像我爷爷奶奶对我生活的影响一样在我孙女的生活中起到那么重要的作用了。她们很可能不像我对我的奶奶以及我的孩子对他们的奶奶那样，对我有那么鲜活的记忆了。”

Beryl Porter, 73, of Mancos, Colo., shares some of those fears. 'Selfishly, I am worried that I am not going to see that baby when they decide to have it,' Ms. Porter says of her son and his wife. Her concerns became exacerbated last year, when her husband Wil, 78, had a heart attack and a quadruple bypass.

来自科罗拉多州曼科斯(Mancos)的73岁老人贝丽尔·波特(Beryl Porter)也有同样的担忧。贝丽尔说：“私下里我会担心，我恐怕等不到他们决定要孩子的那一天了。”她的担忧去年更严重了，因为78岁的老伴威尔(Will)心脏病发作，做了心脏搭桥手术。

'We are both very active, but things can change quickly at this age,' Ms. Porter says.

贝丽尔说：“我们身体都很好，但是到了这个年龄，一切都难以预料。”

Her son Trent Porter says he and his wife, Savannah, have tried to be 'pretty honest and direct' with their parents about their plans for starting a family. In addition to developing his Denver financial-planning business, Mr. Porter, 34, says his wife, 29, is halfway through a three-year program to become a physician assistant. The two, who were married in August, also want to take time to travel to India and Nepal. Children are at least three years off.

她的儿子特伦特·波特(Trent Porter)说，关于要孩子的计划，他和妻子萨万娜(Savannah)对父母已经尽量“诚实和直接”了。特伦特和萨万娜去年八月结婚，今年分别是34岁和29岁。特伦特说，他在发展自己在丹佛的财务规划生意，妻子为了成为医师助理正在参加一个为期三年的项目。他们还想抽时间去印度和尼泊尔旅行。要孩子至少是三年后的事情了。

Still, 'the message from our parents is, 'There is never a perfect time to have children. You just need to make it happen,'' Mr. Porter says. 'There is this underlying tone from the parents of, 'Well, your priorities are out of whack.''

特伦特说，不过，“父母给出的信息是，‘要孩子永远没有什么完美的时间。行动起来就行了。’父母有一种暗含的论调是，‘你的优先次序排得不对。’”

For her part, Beryl Porter says she understands that waiting to have children often makes economic sense. But she worries about the assumption that 'a profession is more important' than family and says that waiting can backfire if it leads to fertility problems or inertia. 'Sometimes when we get into a comfort zone, it becomes easier to stay in our comfort zone.'

在贝丽尔方面，她说她知道晚点要孩子通常在经济上来说是比较合理的。但她对“事业比家庭重要”的想法感到担心，并表示如果导致生育问题或者惰性，等待就会导致适得其反的后果。她说：“有时我们会进入一个舒适区，待在舒适区会变得更容易。”

Kathryn Hill, 55, Savannah Porter's mother and a hospice nurse in Canon City, Colo., says she takes pains not to pressure her daughter and son-in-law. But she, too, has concerns about the delay. 'With the type of work I do, I see how health can change at a moment's notice,' she says.

萨万娜·波特的母亲、55岁的凯瑟琳·希尔(Kathryn Hill)说，她尽力不对女儿和女婿施加压力。但她也对推迟要孩子有顾虑。在科罗拉多州卡农城(Canon City)从事临终护理工作的希尔说：“由于我的工作性质，我知道一个人的身体状况瞬间会发生何种变化。”

'Savannah says she wants to wait until she gets out of school and then take a year off before she even thinks about babies,' she says. 'Sometimes I think, 'Well, you can always get an education but you can't always have children.''

她说：“萨万娜说她想等到毕业以后，然后再休息一年再想孩子的事。有时候我会想，‘读书随时都可以，但生孩子可不是’。”

Ms. Hill also raises what might be called the ugly-duckling issue. Older adults who are waiting -- and waiting -- for grandchildren frequently find themselves on the social sidelines, watching veteran grandparents happily head off to soccer games and school events. 'All of my friends and sisters have grandchildren,' she says. 'I kind of feel, not like an outcast, but that I can't relate to them when we get together.' Having grandchildren, she adds, would 'make me feel like I am growing' as a person.

希尔还提出了所谓“丑小鸭”的问题。盼着抱孙子的老人常会发现自己处于社交边缘地带，眼看着早就当上爷爷奶奶的人幸福地去观看足球赛和学校活动。她说：“我所有的朋友和姐妹都有孙子。我觉得自己倒并不是说被遗弃了，但是和他们在一起的时候没有共同语言。”她说，有孙子会“让我觉得自己作为一个人在成长”。

Some of the toughest times are holidays, says Atlanta resident Martha Tate, 68, an author and gardening blogger whose first grandchild is due to arrive later this year. 'You get Christmas cards with all the grandchildren lined up -- and you're still sending a card with your two grown girls and a dog,' she says. Ms. Tate adds that she has been hesitant to talk with her daughters, ages 37 and 30, about grandchildren, worrying that she might appear selfish. But thoughts about when the day might come occupied her mind 'more than I would ever let on,' she says.

68岁的玛莎·塔特(Martha Tate)是亚特兰大的一名作家及园艺博主，她的第一个孙子将于今年晚些时候出世。她说，最难熬的是节假日。她说：“应该是所有的孙子孙女排着队给你 诞贺卡——而事实是你仍然和两个成年的女儿和一只狗在互送贺卡。”塔特的两个女儿分别是37岁和30岁。她说，她一直在犹豫要不要跟两个女儿讨论抱外孙的事，她担心自己会显得太自私。但她说，她总在想这天什么时候会来，这种想法总是挥之不去。

Her older daughter, Anne Tate Pearce, says she felt she 'had permission to take my time' because Ms. Tate herself waited until she found the right person to marry. 'It's a joy to now be able to share the excitement of expecting a baby with my mother and sister.'

Brooks LaGree III在等待孙子出生的同时，芭芭拉•拉格雷和布鲁克斯•拉格雷夫妇(Barbara and Brooks LaGree)试图把遗愿清单上的事一件件完成，包括去加拿大落基山脉(Canadian Rockies)旅行。她的大女儿安妮·塔特·皮尔斯(Anne Tate Pearce)说，她觉得“自己得到了从容不迫的许可”，因为母亲一直等到她找到了合适的人结婚。她说：“我很高兴现在能和母亲以及妹妹分享怀孕的激动心情。”

Her sister, Laura Tate, says, 'I know my mother likes kids. But she never pressured us about liking a particular boyfriend we had. She doesn't express an opinion one way or another.'

她的妹妹劳拉·塔特(Laura Tate)说：“我知道妈妈喜欢孩子。但她从来没有强迫我们喜欢某个男友。她并不会以这样或那样的方式表达看法。”

Should older adults mention the 'G' word to their children? Amy Johnson, a life coach and psychologist in Canton, Mich., who works mainly with professional women in their late 30s and early 40s, says conversations can help -- but cautions wannabe grandparents about the risks. While most of her clients don't like it when their parents bring up the topic of grandchildren, it can sometimes cause tension when they don't.

老人应不应该跟孩子提抱孙子的事？艾米·约翰逊(Amy Johnson)是密歇根州坎顿市(Canton)的一名生活教练及心理医生，她主要辅导那些30岁末、40岁初的职业女性。她说，聊一聊会有帮助——但她提醒想抱孙子的老人，这样做是有风险的。尽管她的大多数客户都不喜欢父母提出有关孙子的问题，但如果不提的话有时会造成关系紧张。

'For most of the women I work with, either their parents are wondering and pressuring them in subtle or overt ways,' she says. 'Or, in some cases, their parents don't ask questions, probably because they feel it is none of their business.' Some women conclude their parents don't care about grandchildren or have no faith in their ability to be a good parent, Ms. Johnson adds.

她说：“对于我辅导的大多数女性，要么她们的父母都在想办法以或明或暗的方式给她们施压，要么有的父母不会问问题，可能是因为他们觉得这跟自己无关。”她说，有些女性会推断自己的父母对抱孙子不在乎，或者不相信她们能做好母亲。

Her advice to grandparents-in-waiting: Go ahead and ask your adult children questions, like 'Do you want children?' and 'What is your expected timetable?' But don't push your own agenda. 'A lot of parents are pretty blunt. They say things like, 'I am getting older. When is this going to happen? I want to be able to enjoy those grandkids,'' Ms. Johnson says. But to adult children, she adds, that can feel like their parents are saying, ''I'm going to die soon, and this is my dying wish.' It becomes a huge source of pressure.'

她给等着抱孙子的老人的建议是：大胆地向儿女提出问题，比如“你们想要孩子吗？”以及“你们预计的时间表是什么时候？”但是不要把自己的想法强加给他们。约翰逊说：“很多老人都相当直接。他们会说，‘我年纪大了。什么时候才能抱上孙子呢？我希望能享受和孙子们在一起的时光。’”她说，“但是对于儿女们来说，他们会觉得父母是在说，‘我快不久于人世了，这是我的临终遗愿。’。这样会给儿女带来巨大压力。”

Georgia Witkin, a psychologist at RMA of New York LLP, a fertility clinic in New York, recommends that wannabe grandparents find other outlets for their frustrations. To that end, Mary Jane Horton -- the 62-year-old writer -- serves as a court-appointed advocate for a foster child, age 12.

纽约生育诊所RMA of New York LLP的心理医师乔治亚·维特金(Georgia Witkin)建议想抱孙子的老人为自己的低落心情寻找其他出口。62岁的作家玛丽·简·霍顿就为一个12岁的领养孩子担任法庭指定的代理人。霍顿说：“她不是小婴儿了，但我还是得像照顾孙子一样花些精力。”她的职责包括和女孩的治疗师、社工和医生谈话，代表女孩参加法庭听证会。此外，她说：“我每个月要去看她两三次。我带她去看电影，我是她生活中靠得住的那个人。”

'She's not a baby, but it still takes some of that energy that I want to put into a grandchild and devotes it to a child,' Ms. Horton says. Among other duties, she speaks to the girl's therapist, social worker and doctor and goes to court hearings on her behalf. Beyond that, she says, 'I see her two or three times a month. I take her to the movies. I am the one steady person she has had in her life.'

新墨西哥州阿尔伯克基(Albuquerque)的64岁老人芭芭拉·拉格雷(Barbara LaGree)说，她的建议是“过自己的生活，不要把希望寄托在不一定会发生的事情上”。因此，她说，在等待儿子（37岁）和女儿（34岁）生孩子的同时，她和70岁的老伴布鲁克斯(Brooks)“试图把遗愿清单上的事一件件完成”。这其中包括今年夏天去加拿大落基山脉(Canadian Rockies)的班夫(Banff)旅游，以及明年去新西兰。

Barbara LaGree, 64, of Albuquerque, N.M., says her advice is to 'live your life and not wait on something that may or may not happen.' As such, she and her 70-year-old husband, Brooks -- while waiting for their son (37) and daughter (34) to have children -- are 'trying to do everything on our bucket list,' she says. That includes travel to Banff in the Canadian Rockies this summer and to New Zealand next year.

她说：“但愿有了孙子以后，我们的孩子会需要我们帮忙。我们想在孩子出生的时候能有时间帮他们，我相信迟早会抱上孙子的。”

'Hopefully, when we have grandchildren our kids will probably need us to help them,' she says. 'We want to be available to them when it happens, and I'm sure it will.'

在辅助生育技术发达的时代，有些想要孙子的老人不单单会和儿女讨论要孙子的事情。生育诊所的数据显示，越来越多的老人开始帮助儿女支付治疗费用。

In an age of assisted reproductive technology, some grandparents-in-waiting are doing more than merely talking about grandchildren. Fertility clinics report that a growing number are helping adult children pay for treatments.

纽约RMA生育诊所的维特金博士说，来RMA做卵子冷冻的女性中约有三分之一都是跟父母一起来的，很多父母都承担了全部或部分费用。（费用一般在一万美元到1.5万美元之间，不包括药物和储存费用。）

Dr. Witkin of New York's RMA fertility clinic says about one-third of the women who undergo the egg-freezing procedure at RMA come in with their parents, many of whom fully or partially underwrite the cost. (That figure typically ranges from $10,000 to $15,000, not including bills for medication and storage.)

马萨诸塞州牛顿市(Newton)的财务规划师苏珊·卡普兰(Susan Kaplan)去年花了三万美元，为37岁的女儿黛安娜·卡普兰(Susan Kaplan)冷冻卵子。苏珊说：“她不再觉得有必要给自己施加压力，不会逼自己必须及时找到白马王子。”尽管如此，她说做父母的应该谨慎考虑这样做对自己储蓄金的影响。她的有些客户会导致自己的退休金面临风险，因为最后发现“帮助孩子支付冷冻卵子的费用只是第一步”。

Susan Kaplan, a financial planner in Newton, Mass., spent $30,000 last year so her daughter Diane Kaplan, 37, could freeze her eggs. 'She no longer feels she has to put the pressure on herself to find Prince Charming in a timely way,' says Ms. Kaplan. Nonetheless, Ms. Kaplan says parents should carefully consider the impact on their own nest eggs. Some of her clients have put their own retirements at risk because 'helping to pay to freeze the eggs' proved to be 'only step one.'

苏珊说，尤其当冷冻卵子导致女性成为单亲母亲时，“好像有了这么一个不成文的契约：‘我们同在一条战线上’。”她看到有老人承担了女儿们付不起的额外费用，比如宿营和特殊学校的费用。

Especially when egg-freezing enables women to become single parents, 'somehow the unwritten contract becomes that 'We're all in this together,'' says Ms. Kaplan, who sees grandparents underwriting extras, like camps and special schools, that their daughters can't afford.

有些老人以及他们的儿女说，他们能做的顶多是承认这种情形中的讽刺意味，或者应该一笑置之。随着越来越多的女性进入职场，现在盼着抱孙子的女性老人中，自己当初推迟要孩子的也不在少数。

Some would-be grandparents and their adult children say the best they can do is recognize -- and perhaps laugh about -- the irony in the situation. No small number of today's would-be grandmothers delayed having children themselves as women started entering the workforce in greater numbers.

现在她们的女儿也做出同样的决定，但其中的逻辑并不一定像30多年前那样合情合理了。69岁的爱丽丝·沃特斯(Alice Waters)是一名烹饪书作家以及加州伯克利(Berkeley)知名餐厅Chez Panisse的老板。她说，她在60岁出头的时候就有想要外孙的想法了。对沃特斯来说，那种感觉“突然就来了，就像自己快40岁时想要孩子的那种感觉一样”。

Now that their adult daughters are making the same decision, the logic doesn't always seem as sound as it did 30-plus years ago. Alice Waters, 69, says she began to feel a desire for grandchildren in her early 60s. For Ms. Waters -- a cookbook author and owner of Chez Panisse, the renowned Berkeley, Calif., restaurant -- the feeling 'just kind of kicked in, just the way wanting a child did' when she was in her late 30s.

但是，虽然沃特斯的独女、30岁的范妮·辛格(Fanny Singer)说她乐意要孩子，但她和母亲都承认，辛格还没有做好当母亲的准备。辛格最近刚获得剑桥大学(University of Cambridge)艺术历史博士学位，目前和男友萨姆·索恩(Sam Thorne)住在一起。索恩最近刚被任命为英格兰康沃尔(Cornwall)Tate St. Ives博物馆的艺术总监。两人打算结婚，但目前都在专注于发展成为艺术历史学家、作家和策展人的事业。

But while Ms. Waters's only child, Fanny Singer, 30, says she likes the idea of having children, both she and her mother acknowledge that Ms. Singer isn't ready to become a parent yet. Ms. Singer, who recently received a Ph.D. in art history from the University of Cambridge, lives with her partner, Sam Thorne, the recently appointed artistic director at the Tate St. Ives museum in Cornwall, England. While the couple intends to get married, both are currently focused on building their careers as art historians, writers and curators.

辛格说，她的母亲偶尔会开开玩笑，比如“什么时候生孩子都好”，“如果你有了孩子，工作太忙，可以让我带”之类。

Ms. Singer says her mother occasionally makes teasing remarks like, 'Anytime is a good time,' and 'If you have a child and you're too busy, you can just drop it off with me.'

对此，辛格的回应是：“我总是温柔地提醒她，如果她想早点抱外孙，当初就应该早点生我。”

In response, Ms. Singer says: 'I always gently remind her that if she wanted a grandchild earlier, she should have had me when she was younger.'

Anne Tergesen

Ms. Tergesen is a staff reporter for The Wall Street Journal in New York.

（本文作者Anne Tergesen是《华尔街日报》驻纽约记者。）