你所以为的为人母的生活vs.真实的为人母生活
The funniest thing in the world just might be someone without kids sharing their "wisdom" on how they will be upon becoming a parent. It's amazing how awesome and well-behaved both you and your kids are in your own little fantasy world of how you'll parent when you're not actually a parent, isn't it?
人世间最搞笑的事情可能就是没有小孩的人畅聊他们以后会成为什么样的父母。令人惊叹的是，在你的理想世界中（未为人父母时想象自己为人父母的场景），你和你的孩子都是那么出色、那么循规蹈矩，是不是？You think motherhood is going to be one way and that you'll always get big fat A-pluses on all your motherhood "assignments," but then reality gives you a beat down like nobody's business.
你觉得当你成为一名母亲的时候，你会出色的完成每一项"任务"，但现实却会给你沉重一击。BIRTH
分娩
Expectation:
预期情况：You thought you'd go all natural with childbirth.
你觉得你会不痛不痒的完成分娩。Reality:
现实：Meanwhile, that birth hurt like a mutha and the anesthesiologist became your BFF.
分娩的时候超痛的，而麻醉师会成为你最好的朋友。
BABY SLEEP
哄宝宝睡觉Expectation:
预期情况：Your baby will sleep in their crib! You would never let your kid sleep in your bed. What are those novice parents talking about? You'll show them!
你的宝宝会在婴儿床上睡觉！你决不会让孩子跟你在床上睡。这些初为人父/母的家长到底是怎么想的？让事实说话！Reality:
现实：Your toddler owns your half of the bed. You own a quarter ... with the family dog.
你的宝宝占了一半的床。你和狗狗只睡四分之一。YOUR OWN SLEEP
你的睡眠Expectation:
预期情况：You'll sleep when the baby sleeps. Every mother knows it's important to get that shut-eye when the baby isn't awake.
宝宝睡的时候你就会睡觉。每位母亲都知道在宝宝睡着时自己也眯一会儿的重要性。Reality:
现实：You're boob-deep in laundry piles and haven't had a nap since the '90s, when Felicity still had her long curly hair.
你整天都在洗衣服，很久没有打过瞌睡了，而Felicity还在打理她长长的卷发。SCREEN TIME
屏幕时间Expectation:
预期情况：You'll never let your kid watch YouTube at all. Ever! Don't parents know what children can find on there? Come on, people, stop being slackers! Do something with your child!
你永远都不会让小孩子看YouTube视频。永远都不会！家长们难道不知道小孩子会看到什么嘛？得了吧，千万别成为懒虫好嘛！和孩子一起做点事情吧！Reality:
现实：Your kid navigates YouTube and skips the paid ads like a pro.
你的孩子非常熟练的玩着YouTube，还会跳过广告。BABY WILL NOT BOTHER ANYONE IN PUBLIC
宝宝不会在公共场所扰了别人Expectation:
预期情况：You'll never bring your kid to a remotely grown-up restaurant. Isn't that what Friendly's is for? And, please, bring your kid to a nail salon?! Get a babysitter, people!
你永远都不会带孩子去一个离家很远的成人餐厅吃饭。这难道不就是为人友好的做法吗？而且，带孩子去做指甲？找个保姆带一下好嘛！Reality:
现实：Your local fancy restaurant has a special pasta dish for your picky 3-year-old. Your preschooler points out your manicurist's mistakes and says, "Watch those cuticles, lady."
当地的高档餐厅为您挑剔的3岁宝宝准备了特色意大利面。你的学龄前儿童指出美甲师的错误，说道："女士，请注意那些角质层。"
