生活在灰色地带的西方穆斯林

Some months ago, I gave a reading from my most recent novel in Scottsdale, Ariz. During the discussion that followed, a woman asked me to talk about my upbringing in Morocco. It’s natural for readers to be curious about a writer they’ve come to hear, I told myself. I continued to tell myself this even after the conversation drifted to Islam, and then to ISIS. Eventually, another woman raised her hand and said that the only Muslims she saw when she turned on the television were extremists. “Why aren’t we hearing more from people like you?” she asked me.

几个月前，在亚利桑那州的斯科茨代尔，我向一群读者朗诵了自己最新创作的小说选段。在随后的讨论环节，一位女士让我谈谈在摩洛哥的成长经历。我告诉自己，读者既然来聆听一部作品，想要了解作者是很正常的事。我仍然这么想，即使是在话题转移到了伊斯兰教，甚至是伊斯兰国(ISIS)之后。终于，另一名女士举起手说，她在电视上看到的穆斯林，全都是极端分子。“为什么我们听不到来自像您这样的人的更多消息？”她问我。

“You are,” I said with a nervous laugh. “Right now.” I wanted to tell her that there were plenty of ordinary Muslims in this country. We come in all races and ethnicities. Some of us are more visible by virtue of beards or head scarves. Others are less conspicuous, unless they give book talks and it becomes clear that they, too, identify as Muslims.

“您听到了啊，”我紧张地笑着说。“现在就是。”我想告诉她，这个国家里有大量穆斯林普通人。我们来自各种各样的民族和种族。有些人因为胡须或头巾的特点很容易被辨识出来。还有些则不那么明显，除非他们也举办这样的活动，人们才会恍然大悟，原来他们也是穆斯林。

To be fair, I’m not a very good Muslim. I don’t perform daily prayers anymore. I have never been on a pilgrimage to Mecca. I partake of the forbidden drink. I do give to charity whenever I can, but I imagine that this would not be enough to save me were I to have the misfortune, through an accident of birth or migration, to live in a place like Raqqa, Syria, where in the last two years, the group variously known as Daesh, ISIL or ISIS has established a caliphate: a successor to past Islamic empires. Life in Raqqa reportedly follows rules that range from the horrifying to the absurd: The heads of people who have been executed are posted on spikes in the town’s main square; women must wear a niqab and be accompanied by a male companion when they go out; smoking and swearing are not allowed; chemistry is no longer taught in schools and traffic police are not permitted to have whistles because ISIS considers them un-Islamic.

老实说，我不是一个合格的穆斯林。我已不再每天祷告。我从未踏上通往麦加的朝圣之旅。我喝不该喝的东西。我的确尽我所能地做慈善，不过我想，如果我不幸地降生或移民到叙利亚拉卡这样的地方，我的这些善举也救不了我。过去两年，一个被称作达伊沙(Daesh)、ISIL或ISIS的组织，在那里创立了一个哈里发国：就像过去的伊斯兰帝国。据说，拉卡的生活遵循着各种恐怖和荒谬的规定：被处决者的头颅要钉在城市主广场上示众；女性必须穿面纱且在一名男子的陪伴下才能出门；禁止吸烟和骂人；学校里不再教化学课，交警不可以配备哨子，因为伊斯兰国认为这不符合伊斯兰教义。

As part of its efforts to spread its message outside the territory it controls, ISIS puts out an English-language magazine, Dabiq, which can be found online. In February, Dabiq featured a 12-page article, complete with high-resolution photos and multiple footnotes, cheering the terrorist attacks of Sept. 11 and claiming that they made manifest for the world two camps: the camp of Islam under the caliphate and the camp of the West under the crusaders. The article ran under the title “The Extinction of the Grayzone.” The gray zone is the space inhabited by any Muslim who has not joined the ranks of either ISIS or the crusaders. Throughout the article, these Muslims are called “the grayish,” “the hypocrites” and, for variety, “the grayish hypocrites.”

为了把信息传递到控制区域之外，伊斯兰国推出了在线英文杂志《达比克》(Dabiq)。今年2月，《达比克》刊发了一篇12页的长文，包括高清图片和各种注释，赞颂9·11恐怖袭击，称它们让世界上划分出了两个清晰的阵营：哈里发国领导的伊斯兰阵营，以及十字军领导的西方阵营。文章的标题是《让灰色地带消失》(The Extinction of Grayzone)。灰色地带指的是既没有加入ISIS也没有加入十字军的穆斯林生活的空间。文中把这些穆斯林称为“那些泛灰的人”、“伪善者”，为了让词汇更富于变化，还使用了“那些泛灰的伪善者”。

On Nov. 13, men who had sworn allegiance to ISIS struck the city of Paris, killing 130 people at different locations mostly in the 10th and 11th arrondissements, neighborhoods that are known for their multiculturalism. As soon as I heard about the attacks, I tried to reach a cousin of mine, who is studying in Paris. I couldn’t. I spent the next two hours in a state of crushing fear until he posted on Facebook that he was safe. Relieved, I went back to scrolling through my feed, which is how I found out that my friend Najlae Benmbarek, a Moroccan journalist, lost her cousin. A recently married architect, Mohamed Amine Ibnolmobarak was eating dinner with his wife at the Carillon restaurant when an ISIS terrorist killed him.

11月13日，一些效忠伊斯兰国的男子袭击了巴黎，主要在10区和11区的多处地点造成了130人遇难，这些社区均以文化多元著称。我一听说袭击的消息，就赶紧联系我的一个正在巴黎上学的表亲。可联系不上。接下来的两个小时，我陷入令人崩溃的恐惧之中，直到他在Facebook上报了平安。我如释重负，继续浏览其他好友状态，才发现我的朋友、摩洛哥记者娜洁拉·苯巴莱克(Najlae Benmbarek)的表亲遭遇了不幸。穆罕默德·阿米涅·伊布诺莫巴拉克(Mohamed Amine Ibnolmobarak)是一名建筑师，他和新婚妻子在Carillon餐厅吃饭时，被伊斯兰国的一名恐怖分子杀害。

It was probably not a coincidence that the Paris attacks were aimed at restaurants, a concert hall and a sports stadium, places of leisure and community, nor that the victims included Muslims. As Dabiq makes clear, ISIS wants to eliminate coexistence between religions and to create a response from the West that will force Muslims to choose sides: either they “apostatize and adopt” the infidel religion of the crusaders or “they perform hijrah to the Islamic State and thereby escape persecution from the crusader governments and citizens.” For ISIS to win, the gray zone must be eliminated.

巴黎袭击针对的是餐厅、音乐厅和体育场等休闲和集会场所，这应该不是巧合。遇难者中有穆斯林也不是。《达比克》说得很明白，伊斯兰国想要消除宗教共存的状态，制造一种来自西方的回应，迫使穆斯林选择立场：要么“变节并选择”十字军的异教徒宗教，要么“投奔伊斯兰国，逃离十字军政府和民众的残害”。伊斯兰国要取得胜利，就不能容许灰色地带的存在。

Whose lives are gray? Mine, certainly. I was born in one nation (Morocco) speaking Arabic, came to my love of literature through a second language (French) and now live in a third country (America), where I write books and teach classes in yet another language (English). I have made my home in between all these cultures, all these languages, all these countries. And I have found it a glorious place to be. My friends are atheists and Muslims, Jews and Christians, believers and doubters. Each one makes my life richer.

哪些人是灰色的？我肯定是。我出生在一个阿拉伯语国家（摩洛哥），通过第二门语言（法语）爱上了文学，现在住在第三个国家（美国），然而我在这里还用另一种语言（英语）写书和讲课。我生活在这些种文化、语言和国家之间。我发现这是一个很棒的位置。我的朋友中有无神论者、穆斯林、犹太教徒和基督徒，信教的和不信宗教的人。每个人都让我的生命更加丰富。

This gray life of mine is not unique. I share it with millions of people around the world. My brother in Dallas is a practicing Muslim — he prays, he fasts, he attends mosque — but he, too, would be considered to be in the gray zone, because he despises ISIS and everything it stands for.

我的这种灰色生活并非独一无二。全世界有成千上万的人过着同样的生活。我在达拉斯的兄弟是一名守教规的穆斯林，他祷告、斋戒、去清真寺，但是他也被认为处在灰色地带，因为他鄙视伊斯兰国和它所代表的一切。

Most of the time, gray lives go unnoticed in America. Other times, especially when people are scared, gray lives become targets. Hate crimes against Muslims spike after every major terrorist attack. But rather than stigmatize this hate, politicians and pundits often stoke it with fiery rhetoric, further diminishing the gray zone. Every time the gray zone recedes, ISIS gains ground.

多数时候，灰色的人在美国不会引发关注。但有时，尤其是人们感到害怕的时候，灰色的人就成了靶子。每一次大型恐怖袭击之后，针对穆斯林的报复性犯罪都会激增。然而政客和学者不仅不谴责这种仇恨，反而用激烈的言辞去煽动它，让灰色地带越来越小。灰色地带每减少一寸，伊斯兰国都因此而壮大。

The language that ISIS uses may be new, but the message is not. When President George W. Bush spoke to a joint session of Congress after the terrorist attacks of Sept. 11, he declared, “Either you are with us or you are with the terrorists.” It was a decisive threat, and it worked well for him in those early, confusing days, so he returned to it. “Either you are with us,” he said in 2002, “or you are with the enemy. There’s no in between.” This polarized thinking led to the United States invasion of Iraq, which led to the destabilization of the Middle East, which in turn led to the creation of ISIS.

伊斯兰国的表述可能是新的，传递的信息却是旧的。9·11袭击发生后，乔治·W·布什(George W. Bush)总统在参众两院联席会议上发表讲话时声称，“你要么支持我们，要么就是恐怖分子的同伙”。这句赤裸裸的威胁，在最初那些茫然无措的日子里非常奏效。所以他后来又重复了这句话。“你要么支持我们，”他在2002年说，“要么就是在支持敌人。没有中间地带。”这种极端思维促使美国出兵伊拉克，导致中东的动荡，反过来促成了伊斯兰国的创立。

Terrorist attacks affect all of us in the same way: We experience sorrow and anger at the loss of life. For Muslims, however, there is an additional layer of grief as we become subjects of suspicion. Muslims are called upon to condemn terrorism, but no matter how often or how loud or how clear the condemnations, the calls remain. Imagine if, after every mass shooting in a school or a movie theater in the United States, young white men in this country were told that they must publicly denounce gun violence. The reason this is not the case is that we presume each young white man to be solely responsible for his actions, whereas Muslims are held collectively responsible. To be a Muslim in the West is to be constantly on trial.

恐怖袭击以同样的方式影响着我们所有人：面对生命的失去，我们都感到了悲伤和愤怒。然而对于穆斯林来说，我们的悲伤多一层，因为我们成了怀疑的对象。人们呼吁穆斯林对恐怖主义发出谴责，但无论我们的谴责多么响亮、频繁、清楚，这种呼吁还是没完没了。想象一下，在美国的学校或影院的每一次大规模枪击事件后，这个国家年轻的白人男子都被要求必须公开谴责枪支暴力，会是怎样的情形。这种情况不会发生，因为人们认为每一名年轻的白人男子只需为自己的行为负责，然而穆斯林却要集体为恐怖袭击负责。在西方世界做一名穆斯林，就要常常接受审判。

The attacks in Paris have generated the same polarization as all previous attacks have. Even though most of the suspects were French and Belgian nationals who could have gained entry to the United States on their passports, Republican governors in 30 states say that they will refuse to take in any refugees from Syria without even more stringent screening. Barely two days after the attacks, Jeb Bush told CNN’s Jake Tapper that the United States should focus its efforts only on helping Syrian refugees who are Christian.

就像之前的所有袭击一样，巴黎袭击事件也带来了同样的极端思维。虽然多数嫌疑人是法国人和比利时人，可以凭护照进入美国，有30位州长表示，如果没有更严格的筛查程序，将拒绝接受来自叙利亚的难民。袭击才过去两天，杰布·布什就对CNN的杰克·塔珀(Jake Tapper)说，美国应该集中精力，只帮助信仰基督教的叙利亚难民。

Ted Cruz went a step further, offering to draft legislation that would ban Muslim Syrian refugees from the United States. When he was asked by Dana Bash of CNN what would have happened to him if his father, a Cuban refugee who was fleeing communism, had been refused entry, he implied that it was a different situation because of the special risks associated with ISIS.

特德·克鲁兹(Ted Cruz)则更加过分，他提出要起草一部禁止穆斯林叙利亚难民进入美国的法律。当CNN的达娜·拜什(Dana Bash)问他，如果他的父亲——一名逃离共产主义的古巴难民——被拒绝入境会怎样时，他暗示说，鉴于伊斯兰国的特殊风险，这两者的情况完全不同。

As it happens, I am married to a son of Cuban refugees. Like Cruz’s father, they came to this country because America was a safe haven. What would have been their fate if an American legislator said that they could not be allowed in because the Soviet Union was trying to infiltrate the United States?

我的丈夫碰巧也是古巴难民的后代。就像克鲁兹的父亲一样，他们来到这个国家，是因为美国是一个安全的避风港。如果一名美国议员说因为苏联企图渗透美国应该禁止他们入境，那他们的命运会如何？

The other day, my daughter said to me, “I want to be president.” She has been saying this a lot lately, usually the morning after a presidential debate, when our breakfast-table conversation veers toward the elections. My daughter is 12. She plays the violin and the guitar; she loves math and history; she’s quick-witted and sharp-tongued and above all she’s very kind to others. “I’d vote for you,” I told her. And then I looked away, because I didn’t have the heart to tell her that half the people in this country — in her country — say they would not vote for a Muslim presidential candidate.

不久前，我的女儿对我说，“我想当总统。”她最近经常这么说，通常是在早上总统大选辩论之后，我们的早餐时的话题转移到大选上的时候。我女儿今年12岁。她会拉小提琴，弹吉他；她喜欢数学和历史；她思维敏捷，伶牙俐齿，最重要的是，她对人很友好。“我会选你，”我对她说。然后，我把目光移到别处，因为我不敢告诉她，这个国家——她自己的国家——有一半的人已经表示，不会为穆斯林总统候选人投票。

I worry about her growing up in a place where some of the people who are seeking the highest office in the land cannot make a simple distinction between Islam and ISIS, between Muslim and terrorist. Ben Carson has said he “would not advocate that we put a Muslim in charge of this nation.”

我为她生长在一个这样的国家感到担心：一些竞选最高领袖的人连伊斯兰教和ISIS，穆斯林和恐怖分子的区别都搞不清楚。本·卡森(Ben Carson)曾说，他“不会主张我们让一个穆斯林执掌这个国家”。

Right now, my daughter still has the innocence and ambition that are the natural attributes of the young. But what will happen when she comes of age and starts to realize that her life, like mine, is constantly under question? How do you explain to a child that she is not wanted in her own country? I have not yet had the courage to do that. My daughter has never heard of the gray zone, though she has lived in it her entire life. Perhaps this is my attempt at keeping the world around all of us as gray as possible. It is a form of resistance, the only form of resistance I know.

现在，我的女儿仍然有着年轻人那种与生俱来的天真和抱负。但当她长大后开始意识到，她的人生就像我的一样，常常会遭到质疑，结果又会怎样？我该如何向一个孩子解释，她在自己的国家是不受欢迎的？我还没有勇气这么做。我女儿从没听说过灰色地带，虽然她自出生以来就生活在其中。也许我正在努力让周围的世界尽可能地保持灰色。这是一种抵抗，也是我所知道的唯一一种抵抗。