与身边人更好相处的10个重要原则

1. Model behavior.

The most important thing you can do to convert others to your ideas is to be the best model possible. Walk the walk, and do it visibly, so others can see what you’re doing. This goes for your spouse, for your kids, for family and friends, for co-workers. Just showing how to do it can be a powerful tool indeed. Declutter your life, live more simply, and you’ll go a long way to converting others.
1.榜样的力量.

尽可能的做一个好榜样是尤为重要的，你能做的就是让别人相信你的观点。走自己的路，正大光明，所以别人才能够看到你做的。这样做是为了你的配偶，孩子，家庭，朋友以及同事。事实上，如何做到这一点可能要好好思量。好好生活，更简单的生活。去改变别人，你还有很长一段路要走。

2. Share how important it is to you, and the benefits.

This is really the second part of being a role model: as you start to live the simple life, show others how great it is to you, how important a part of your life this is. Talk with them about it, and tell them why you’re doing this. When people understand your motivation, they can start to get on board, or at least stop feeling so threatened. And when they see how great it is for you, how happy it makes you and all the great things it brings into your life, they’ll move closer and closer to your way.
2.于你而言，分享是非常重要且有利的。

这是成为一个真正的榜样的第二步：对你而言，当你开始过上简单的日子，告诉其他人这样的日子是多么的精彩，这演的日子是多么的重要。与他们谈论这件事，并且告诉他们你这样做的目的是什么。一旦他们理解了你的目的，他们开始赞同你，至少不会再感到威胁。当他们看到你的日子如此精彩，你是如此快乐，它给你的生活带来了如此多的美好事物。他们会越来认同你的方法。

3. Ask for help.

One of the first things I did with Eva was ask for her support. Not just her consent, but her physical help. I confessed that I can’t do it on my own and I need her. Many people, if they truly care about you, want to help you. They want you to be happy, and if you tell them how they can help you succeed, they’ll do their best. If possible, make simplifying a team effort — not just something you’re doing, but something you’re all doing together. And make it fun!
3.寻求帮助.

我与女儿Eva相处，首要的是寻求她的支持。不仅仅是她口头上的赞同，而是她实际的帮助。我承认我不能独立完成一些事，所以我需要她的帮助。很多人，如果他们真的关心你，这些人都是想帮助你的。他们想要快乐，如果你告知他们什么方法能够助你成功的话，他们将会全力以赴。如果可能，使团队的付出更加简单，不仅仅是你正在做的一些事情，而是所有的事大家一起做。让它变得有趣些。

4. Educate.

The best way to educate others is, as I said above, by your good example. But beyond that, you may want to share books and websites and blogs you’re reading, not in a way that insists that they change, but just to show what you’re interested in and how they might learn more if they’re interested. Documentaries, podcasts, magazines, and other good sources of information are helpful as well. You can’t force people to read or watch, but you can make it available. In addition, talk with them about it — again, not in a pushy way but in a way that shows how excited you are and how you’d like to share what you’re learning about. If they seem put off, don’t drone on and on.
4.教育.

正如我以上所说，教育别人最好的方法就是以身作则。但是除此之外，你可能想要与人分享你正在看的书，浏览的网站，或是博客，不是以他们坚持改变德方法，只需要表明你感兴趣的，如果他们感兴趣，他们可能会学得更多。纪录片，博客，杂志，以及另外信息的好的来源也对我们有益。你不能强迫别人去读或者看，但是你能让其变得有效。另外，与他们讨论这些事，不要以一种强求的方式，而是表明你对此很激动，并且想要分享你正在了解的。如果他们看起来精神不集中，就不要一直讲下去了。

5. Help them succeed.

If you do have some success converting some of the important people in your life to your way of thinking, at least to a minor degree, don’t criticize when they don’t do it as well as you’d like, or to the extent you’d like. Instead, be encouraging, be happy for them, and support them in any way you can. Again, make it a team effort.
5.帮助他人成功。

如果在你生命中一些重要的人，确实成功地被你的思考方式，至少是较小程度上的改变，如果他们没有按照你想的那么做，也不要去批评。相反，你应该鼓励他们，为他们感到高兴，只要你能办到，无论怎样都要支持他们。另外，使其成为一个团队的付出。

6. Realize you can’t control or change others.

One of the most common frustrations comes when people try to control other people, or force them to change. It’s a recipe for disaster. You can try to control others, but there will always be a struggle, and you’ll always fail to some degree. This applies to your significant other, even to kids. We try to control them but we can’t, not really. Instead, try to influence others, encourage them, support them, help them find happiness. And let go of the need to control. It’s difficult but really essential here. Once you can release that need to control, you’ll find much more happiness.
6.认清你不能控制或者改变他人。

当人们试着去控制他人或者是强迫他人改变时，最常见的挫折之一也随着而来。你可以试着去控制他人，但是通常会很纠结，在某种程度上，总是会失败。这些适用于你重要的人，甚至是孩子。我们试着去控制别人，但是事实上，去会失败。然而，试着去影响他们，鼓励他们，支持他们或是帮助他们找到幸福。然后有必要地放开控制。虽然很难，但是十分必要。一旦你对这些控制放手，你将会找到更多的幸福。

7. Set boundaries.

Once you stop trying to control others, you have to find ways to live together with different goals and different ways of life. If you want to simplify and the others you live or work with don’t, how can you peacefully coexist in the same space? Some possibilities (but nowhere near an exhaustive list): decide who owns what and just simplify your own things; split up the house or office into your area and theirs; find a happy compromise between simplicity and major clutter.
7.设置边界。

一旦你停止尝试去控制别人，你不得不带着不同的目标，不同的生活方式重新开始。如果你想要简化，然而与你生活或是工作的人却不是那样做，你怎样在相同的地方与这些人和平共处呢？有如下可能性(但是，是其它地方没有的完整清单)：决定由谁拥有，简化你自己的事情；在家里和办公室里划分不同阵营的区域；在简单与复杂之间找一个令人满意的折衷。

8. Have patience.

Don’t expect others to change overnight just because you have. The important people in your life might not get quite as excited about this change, because it’s not coming from them. They might not learn it as quickly as you have, or go quite as far. Or they might not want to change or support your change at all, at first … but later, they might come around. Again, don’t push or be obnoxious about it, but instead be patient, encouraging, with an attitude of sharing what you’re learning and excited about.
8.有耐心。

不要期望别人一夜之间就改变，你生命中重要的人未必会为这种改变所激动，因为那不是出自于他们。他们可能不会去学习他，或者。或者他们根本不会去改变或者支持你的变化，开始...但是后来，他们也许就好了。再者，不要急，不要讨厌它，一定要有耐心，鼓励自己与别人分享你正在学习和感激的

9. Change what you can.

Sometimes you can’t change everything you’d like, and you have to learn to accept that. Find areas you can control, find places that others will allow you to change, and focus on those. The other areas might come later (or they might not). This is what comes from having others in your life — you give up complete control, but you also get the wonder of sharing your life with other human beings, something I’d never give up.
9.改变你能的改变的。

有时候，你无法改变你想要一切的东西，所以你不得不去学习接受它。找到你能控制的领域，找到别人允许你改变的地方，并且关注这些。其它的领域也许会迟一点出现(也许不会出现)。这是你生活中来自于其它的部分：你放弃完全控制，但是你也令人不解地与其他人分享你的生活，有些事，我从未放弃过。

10. Find support.
If you can’t get support from some people in your life, find it elsewhere if possible. This might be from others who are doing the same thing as you — friends or family, or people in your community. It could be from online communities, such as social networks or forums. There are tons of people out there who are trying to simplify (the Zen Habits forums are just one example). Share your progress, challenges, frustrations with them, and you’ll find help from people who understand.
10.寻求支持。

在你的生活中，你不能从一些人那里得到支持，尽可能地到处去找。它可能是来自于与你正在做同样的事情的朋友，家人或者你的小区你的人们。也可能是来自在线社区，比如说社交网络和论坛。在那里有非常多的人正在尝试着简化(这个禅宗习惯论坛仅仅是一个例子)。与他们分享你的进步，挑战，挫折，你就可以从过来人那里获得帮助。