社交媒体破坏我们约会的10种方式(下)

ng Has Become Too Casual

5.约会变得太随意

Just as the accelerated intensity of a relationship that can be spurred by infatuation, languidly trudging though the dating pool with only casual intentions can also have adverse effects. Moreover, the lines between "hanging out", "dating", and "exclusivity" have become so blurred, they're more like globs of confusion than lines at all. Yes, that metaphor may have made little-to-no sense, but I stand by it. Denise Hewitt, a Manhattan-based television producer knows what I'm talking about.

就像过度的痴迷会拉开两人亲密的关系，同样，态度散漫、吊儿郎当地去赴约也会有不好的影响。再者，"出去玩""普通约会"和"专属约会"这几个概念间的界限已经变得模糊起来，相比于分明的界限这更像是一团迷惑。对，这个暗喻可能没什么道理，但我认同。曼哈顿的实时记者丹妮丝·休伊特知道我在说些什么。

"The new date is 'hanging out'" Hewitt told The New York Times. She recalled a guy friend validating her sentiment by saying: "I don't like to take Girls out. I like to have them join in on what I'm doing — going to an event, a concert." Indeed "hanging out" has now become synonymous with actual dating. With all pre-dating conversation going exclusively to the nonchalance of text, apps, and dating websites, it's hard to decipher whether a relationship is even romantic or not. Whereas several decades ago finding someone to marry sought after with urgency (a staple of a different time that wasn't necessarily a positive one), we have now gone to the completely opposite end of the spectrum, where too many options may keep us from finding someone to share our lives with.

"新的约会已经意味着是'出去玩'，"休伊特告诉《纽约时报》。她的一位男性朋友的话可以证明她的观点："我不喜欢带女生出去。我喜欢让她们跟我一起做点什么，像去社交场合，音乐会什么的。"事实上，现在"出去玩"已经成为了约会的同义词。当所有约会前的交流都是通过没有感情的短信、软件和交友网站，很难判断到底这个关系是不是爱情。几十年前要找个人结婚是件急急忙忙的事（虽然最终结果因情况而异），而现在，我们有的选择太多了，很难找到一个共享生活的人。

4.Potential Companions Know Too Much About Your Past Before Meeting You In The Present

4.在见面前，你潜在的朋友就会充分了解你的过去

A staple of healthy relationships is taking time to get to know each other and establishing a foundation of trust before revealing your past secrets and vulnerabilities. In the age of social media and ever-evolving technology, a potential date or suitor can glean a roster of information on you before you've even met face to face. Where People used to be able to discard polaroids of less-than-flattering situations, and regretful anecdotes about past relationships were only exposed during ventilations between friends as opposed to status updates, every thought, embarrassing moment, and personal anecdote can now be garnered faster than one can say "Google". As Complex puts it, "Because one of your supposed friends tagged an incriminating picture of you on Facebook and now you have to explain to your precious princess girlfriend why her seemingly straight-laced knight in shining armor was acting out a scene from a Girls Gone Wild DVD. Good luck with that, and, in the future, make sure you set your Facebook tags so you can approve them first."

一段健康正常关系的重点就在于花时间去了解对方，并以此建立信任基础，然后再慢慢透露自己过去的秘密和弱点。然而在社交媒体和技术不断发展的今天，那些潜在的约会或求婚对象在你们约会前就可以全面地收集到你所有信息。在过去，人们想删掉的不好看的旧照，一些追悔莫及的往事都只能向好友倾诉，而非在网上分享。可现在，要想知道你的每一份想法，每一次尴尬，每一件轶事比"谷歌"一下还快。就像Complex网站说的，你所谓的网友搜到你脸书上的私人照片，然后你就不得不去向你的宝贝女友解释为什么她穿着闪亮亮的盔甲看上去像是从 Girls Gone Wild 视频里走出来的一板一眼的骑士。祝你好运，请记住，将来在设置你的脸书标签时，一定要确保有一天被追问时能解释得了。

Furthermore, any mystery that used to exist at the start of a new relationship has now been dismantled by social media and technology. According to Elite Daily, "You are literally stripping the discovery process out of dating. One of the best parts of a relationship is getting to know the other person. These different social media platforms take all of that novelty away."

此外，现如今，在一段新关系开始前，任何曾经的秘密在社交媒介和技术面前都无所遁形。《据精英日报》记载："是你自己剥夺了约会过程中不断探索发掘的过程。因为一段关系中最迷人的阶段就是花精力去了解另一个人，可这些各式各样的社交媒介平台把所有的新鲜感都剥夺了。"

imentalities Like Candid Photos And Handwritten Messages Are No More

3.偷拍和手写信件的情趣已不再

"There's a shoebox in my closet where I keep every love letter, scribbled note, or snapshot from dudes of yore, and ever since I signed my first cell phone contract, my contributions to my shoebox have dwindled. Coincidence? I think not." This anecdote came from Thought Catalog's Anna Goldfarb, who went on to note other sentimentalities that have long lost their novelty — and become pretty much nonexistent — in today's tech-driven dating culture. Gone are the days when a ticket stub from the first movie you saw with your S.O. Instead, we "check in" on Facebook about which theater we are at, which movie we are seeing, and who we are with. This saturation of interconnectedness completely nixes the privacy of a first date — along with any subsequent dates. Candid photos no longer are found in a prized shoebox, but rather on a slew of social media websites and apps where they are put through a variety of filters and mock airbrushing for all the world to see. As for handwritten messages, has anyone picked up a pencil lately for anything? Even grocery lists can be converted to text or a "notes" function on smartphones. Rather than passing a handwritten note in glass that has been conspicuously folded into what may or may not be an origami heart, teenagers are tweeting their inner monologues for all the world to see.

"在我的壁橱里，有一个鞋盒，那里藏着我的情书、随笔和旧友通讯录。自从开通了我第一台智能机，我对鞋盒的贡献就减少了。这是巧合么？我可不信。"这个小发现来源于《思想目录》的安娜·戈德法布，她一直坚持这温情的习惯，记录每天发生的新奇事儿，但这在今天这个技术驱使的文化背景下变得越来越没有存在感。那些第一次和爱人去看电影时会小心翼翼存下电影票根的日子已经一去不复返了。相反，我们现在只需注册脸书用户，就能找到我们想要去的影院，想要看的电影，想要相伴的人。然而，由于互联网，在第一次和接下来的所有约会中你的个人隐私都会完全暴露。快照不再出现在鞋盒里，而由社交平台或软件取而代之，在那里，人们能加很多的滤镜和模板，以让所有人都看到。至于手写信件，好好想想，最近还会有人拿起笔来写东西么？连食品杂货店的清单都被改成了电子版，或者就用手机下单。比起把一份折成心形的手写笔记展在玻璃柜台里，现代青少年们更喜欢用推特来分享自己的故事。

mate Moments Have Lost Their Intimacy

2.亲密时刻不再亲密

"If it's not Facebook official, it doesn't count," has become a popular mantra of the 21st century's dating generation. The only two people that truly know the depth and intimacy involved in a romantic relationship are…well…the two people involved. Social media has dismantled a fourth wall that used to exist in dating. Sure, facets of your relationship would be revealed during outings with friends and family, but there are other private moments that are arguably better left out of the public eye. Back before the advent social media and internet becoming a household commodity, people that you knew from middle school wouldn't have an all-access pass to your relationship status and intimate date nights. Today, failing to list your exclusivity — or lack thereof — on your Facebook profile is met with slackened jaws and knitted brows of concern. "Is he your boyfriend?" "Why aren't you two Facebook official yet?" "What do you mean he's 'not into social media'? Clearly, he must be cheating on you."

"再不注册Facebook你就out了！"成为了21世纪约会时代的流行口号。在一段暧昧关系中，只有当事人才知道真正的亲密程度，再次强调，这是只属于两个人之间的小秘密。可是现在社交媒体已经成功拆除了约会中的那道防护墙。当然，当你和朋友、家人外出时，你的人际关系难免会泄露，但其他私人时间无疑是可以避开公众的。在社交媒体的出现初期和互联网普及之前，你中学同学不会毫无顾忌地公开你现在的恋爱状态和深夜密会的八卦。现如今，你要是没把你的所有公之于众或者缺乏这些意识，你脸书上就会出现各种闲言碎语："他是你的男朋友吗？""为什么你还没有两个脸书账号？""'他不上网'?这是什么意思？很显然，他一定是在骗你。"

People are basically encouraged to disclose every date night, every relationship update, and a litany of other things on social media. Not only does this lift the curtain on what was historically supposed to be a private relationship, it diminishes the significance by turning romance into a public broadcast. As Complex puts it, "You can engage in sappy, disgusting public demonstrations of affection on your Facebook page…You can tweet at work, Skype on your lunch break, and Vine yourself doing laundry. This totally diminishes the importance of the relationship. Unless being emotionally and psychologically detached from the physical importance of being around other human beings is your thing…"

基本上，大家都希望别人能在社交媒体同步自己每一次深夜约会的情况，每一段恋情的进展和其他等等诸如此类的。这不仅扯掉了恋情原本私密的面纱，还让恋爱因公开透明而丧失了它独有的韵味。正如Complex网站所说："你可以在Facebook上晒出你又愚蠢又恶心的爱情……你可以在工作时玩推特，在午休时用Skype，在洗衣服时上Vine。除非你能将自己的心理情感和其他人纯粹的八卦天性完全一分为二，否则，公布这些状态绝对会削弱恋爱的意义。"

cting The Unexpected Is Archaic

1.旧人类才期待邂逅

Because of social media and technology, the beauty of happenstance has become archaic. Hearing stories about how two people met serendipitously has kind of become like a shooting star — you're lucky if you see it once, if at all. I remember the mantra about love "happening when you least expect it" growing up, but those words have seemingly long been forgotten by today's dating culture. Being that so many people meet online, through apps, or are at least holding several dating site accounts means that everyone is looking for that person (or several people). This now commonplace behavior upends the pleasant surprise people used to experience when happening upon a compatible mate in the most random of circumstances. Moreover, there are still plenty of opportunities throughout everyday life that could lead to a moment of romantic happenstance, but the prevalence of dating apps and websites could actually prevent us from becoming privy to these real-life encounters.

拜社交媒体和现代科技所赐，因邂逅擦出的美丽火花已成过往。听说前世三百次回眸才能换得今生一次擦肩而过，每一次邂逅都灿若流星，如果这是真的，哪怕只看见一次，你也是幸运无比。我还记得"爱情总是来得始料不及"这一系列爱的咒语，但那些话似乎早已被如今的约会文化遗忘。太多人借助App面基，还有的人拥有好几个交友网站的账号，他们都在努力寻找适合自己的那个人（或那几个人）。这些行为现在看起来司空见惯，却完全颠覆了那些喜欢意外惊喜之人的传统观念，要知道他们可曾只因一个偶然就遇见了可以携手一生的伴侣。此外，在日常生活中有很多机会来一场浪漫邂逅，但交友软件和网站的盛行却生生切断了这样一种可能。

Matchmaker and founder of the Paul C. Brunson Agency, Paul Brunson, expounded upon this when speaking with ABC about an "elitist" dating app called The League, where users are curated by things like social economic status, physical appeal, and more. He criticized this and other apps by telling ABC, "We'll be so focused on our phones and our online matches, that we won't ever look up and see someone who may be potentially perfect for us." Indeed, modern dating culture has become so unremittingly connected to technological advances but completely disconnected when it comes to real-life connections.

保罗·C·布朗森公司的创始人保罗布朗森就是一位月老。他同ABC谈起一款针对上流人士的交友App"联盟"时说到，该软件可提供社会经济地位、外貌吸引力等指标为用户筛选出他们心仪的对象。在ABC的访谈中，保罗强烈指责了这类似的软件："要是我们的目光只聚集在手机软件和交友网站，这辈子都别指望找到你那位还没有出现的真爱。"的确，现代约会文明与科技进步息息相关，在现实生活中两者却没有必然联系。

审校：彼得潘 编辑：listen 来源：前十网