这些习惯总会导致婚姻终结
And no, having an affair isn't on this list.
劈腿可不在这些习惯之列哦。TALKING TRASH BEHIND EACH OTHER'S BACKS.
在背后说彼此坏话。It might sound like advice on avoiding high school drama, but speaking in a mean-spirited way about your partner when he's not around-not just poking innocent fun at his Star Wars obsession-is a red flag that, surprisingly, is pretty common, says Cole. And it could have a lot to do with your friends. "Women may fall into this habit if they're surrounded by people doing the same thing," she says. "If your close group of girl friends are constantly talking poorly about their own husbands, it may feel more normal for you to chime in and say, 'You think yours is bad? Listen to mine.'
听起来这可能像是如何避开高中闹剧的建议，但在另一半不在身边时苛刻地说他坏话--不仅仅笑话他对《星球大战》的迷恋--可是一个危险信号哦。而令人惊讶的是，这一现象却十分常见，科尔说道。而这离不开朋友的"挑唆"。"如果你（女性）身边的朋友都这样做，自然而然你也会养成这一习惯，"她说道。"如果你的闺蜜总是不时地说自己老公的坏话，那和她们一样似乎更加合群，'你觉得你的很糟糕，听听我们家那位你就知道了。'"
But in reality, it shines a light on a deeper issue, says Cole. "It shows a lack of respect for him, even if he never finds out," she says, and starts a pattern of negative comparisons that can lead to even more criticism and contempt. Before you know it, your relationship is in a fast, downward spiral.
但在现实生活中，这却反映了更深层的问题，科尔说道。"这说明你缺乏对他的尊重，即使他永远都不知道你说了他的不好，"她说道，而且一系列负面评比会导致你对他越来越不满、越来越轻视。在你意识到之前，你们的感情已快速降温了。FIXATING ON WHAT YOUR HUBS DOESN'T DO WELL.
揪着他做不好的事情不放。Whether you're remembering how hilarious your ex was-unlike your comparatively quiet husband-or wishing your guy was a door-opening gentleman like your friend's husband, negatively comparing your spouse to others is another subtle kiss of death. "Even if you're only making notes in your mind, it can kill a relationship over time," says Cole.
不管你是怀念前任的风趣--不像你现在沉默寡言的丈夫--还是希望你的男人像自己朋友的老公一样是会帮人开门的绅士，总之，将自己的另一半与其他人进行比较都是温柔的死亡之吻。"即使你只是在脑中做了比较，没有说出来，时间长了也会有损你们的感情，"科尔说道。Try to remember that the grass always seems greener because one person is never going to have everything on your wish list, and your friends are probably jealous of something your own guy does-like the fact that he's got serious skills in the kitchen (#domesticgod). And if there's a habit he's developed that you'd like to, err, tweak (like his tendency to overspend), there's nothing wrong with that-so long as you're not ultimately trying to change who he is. Cole says to use a gentle approach, and at the end of the day, you might as well focus on the good. Your marriage-and sanity-will be better for it.
你要记得这山望着那山高，因为一个人不可能满足你的所有要求，说不定你的朋友也嫉妒你老公身上的某些特质呢--比如他很擅长做饭。如果他养成了一个习惯，而你想让他改掉这个习惯，那这是无可厚非的--只要你不是想改变他这个人就行了。科尔说，如果方法用得对，那么到最后，你也会注重他身上的闪光点。你的婚姻和理智也都会更好。
