开启一段新恋情时,不得不提的那些话题

The early stages of a relationship are usually pretty blissful. You're getting to know each other, finding out your likes and dislikes, and even falling starry-eyed in love. But while you're in this dreamy phase, it pays to inquire about some potentially uncomfortable topics, relationship experts say.

恋情一开始的时候通常都是甜蜜的。你们越来越了解彼此，知道他/她的喜好和厌恶，甚至坠入了爱河。情感专家说，但当你处于这一梦幻阶段时，问一些可能令人反感的话题是值得的。

"Asking questions is the base to establish trust, safety, and emotional security," says Marissa Nelson, relationship therapist and founder of Intimacy Moons Retreats. "I can't tell you how many times I've worked with couples who point to the beginning of their relationship as a time when one partner wasn't forthright about something or didn't tell the truth."

"问问题是你们建立信任、安全感和情感安全的基础，"情感治疗师、Intimacy Moons Retreats的创始人玛丽莎·尼尔森说道。"我的很多客户都是这样，他们指出他们的关系从一开始就不直接，或者双方没有说出实话。"

What you ask is important-and so is how you broach these subjects. Instead of interrogating or issuing ultimatums, "come from a place of curiosity, and use questions as a way to learn, share, and grow together," says Nelson. The answers your new partner offers can clue you in to whether you're compatible in a long-term way. Here's what you need to discuss, plus the right approach to get answers.

问什么问题十分重要--如何提出这些问题也很重要。不要用质问或发出最后通牒那般的方式，"要出于好奇心，将问题视作学习、分享和共同成长的方式。"尼尔森说道。另一半给出的答案可以让你了解你们是否会一直在一起。以下就是你们应该讨论的问题，以及获得答案的正确方法。

How they feel about past relationships

他们对过去的恋情是何感受

No, you're not bringing this up to snoop into your new partner's old love life. You want to hear how they describe their former flames and how things ended. This can let you know that those past love interests really are in the past. And you'll hopefully get their take on what these relationships taught him, as well as if he blames them or holds grudges.

不，提这个问题的时候不要搞得像是你在打探另一半以前的感情生活。你想知道他是如何描述前任、以及他们之间又是怎么结束的。这些能让你知道以前的恋人终究是过去了。也许他会说这些恋情教会了他一些东西，也许他会抱怨前任、对她们怀恨在心。

If they've been tested for STIs

他们是否做过性传播感染测试

Even if you've already jumped into bed together, ask your new partner about their sexual health history. "Discuss STIs and ask about the last time they were tested, their status, and if they've been sexual with anyone else since then," says Rachel Needle, a psychologist at the Center for Marital and Sexual Health of South Florida.

如果你们已经睡过了，那就问问另一半的性健康史。"聊聊性传播感染，问他上一次测试是什么时候、测试结果如何，以及自那以后有没有和别人睡过，"南弗罗里达婚姻与性健康中心的心理学家Rachel Needle说道。

If they say they've never been tested, you can say it's important to you to head to an MD, and you'll go with them if that makes it easier. If they strongly resist, they may have something to hide.

如果另一半说自己从未做过测试，那你可以说去一趟医务室做个测试对你而言十分重要，如果你陪着他/她会让他/她更舒服些，你会和他/她一起去。如果他们强烈反对，那他们可能有所隐瞒。