我分别在30岁和35岁的时候流产了
Four years ago, six weeks into a wanted pregnancy, I woke up bleeding. Thick globs of blood dropped out of me, staining my inner thighs and clothing. I called a consulting nurse, who calmly walked me through a few questions. Bleeding is normal, she assured me, as I sat silently on the other end of the line, not believing a single word that came out of her mouth. I hated her. I hated my body for what felt like a betrayal.
四年前，我意外怀孕六周，醒来的时候出血了。浓浓的血液一股股的流了出来，染红了我的大腿内侧和衣服。我打电话给了咨询护士，她冷静的问了我几个问题。流血是正常的，她向我保证道，而我在电话线的另一头安静的坐着，根本不相信她说的话。我恨她。我恨我的身体，感觉自己遭到了背叛。The nurse told me to wait a few hours and, if I was still bleeding, to come in so they could draw my blood to check my hCG level. Human chorionic gonadotropin, or hCG, is a hormone that doubles every two to three days during early pregnancy.
护士让我再等几个小时，如果我还是流血的话，再去医院，他们就可以抽血检查我的绒毛膜促性腺素（hCG）水平了。绒毛膜促性腺素是怀孕初期每两至三天就会翻一番的激素。That afternoon, the bleeding had become heavier. I went in for the blood test. The next morning, my doctor called with the results, telling me that they were inconclusive and that I should probably come in for another test tomorrow. But I didn't need another test to tell me what I already knew.
那天下午，出血更严重了。我去医院做了血液检查。第二天早上，医生打电话告诉我结果，称他们不是很确定，希望我明天再去做一项检查。但我已经知道结果了，根本不需要再做检查。
It was a full week before I stopped bleeding. To me, what I was losing was matter, cells-not a baby. And yet the matter annihilated my rational mind. In just six weeks of pregnancy, nothing in my life had really changed. And yet, as it slipped and oozed out of me and I was powerless to stop it, it was replaced by a screaming sense of loss.
整整一周我才停止出血。于我而言，失去了细胞--而非宝宝--真的很痛心。但这件事湮没了我的理性思维。怀孕六周内，我的生活几乎没什么改变。它悄悄地溜进了我的身体，又从我身上离去，我无力阻止，只能失落的尖叫着。The experience of pregnancy loss can be wildly divergent, even within one life.
即使只有一生可活，流产却能带来完全不一样的经历。My first miscarriage happened eight years ago, just days after a doctor's appointment. My doctor at the time had asked me a routine question-the date of my last period. I couldn't quite remember, and then I realized it had been more than six weeks earlier.
我第一次流产是在八年前，和医生预约好之后，没过几天就流产了。那时候，我的医生问了我一些常规的问题--上一次来大姨妈的时间。我不大记得了，然后才想起来，好像是6周前。She ordered a urine test; I was pregnant. I wandered out of the clinic and called a friend, who within minutes picked me up in a nearby IHOP parking lot. A few hours later, my boyfriend, who would later become my husband, picked me up at her apartment, where I had been sitting on the couch crying.
她让我做了尿检；我怀孕了。我走出诊所，打电话给了一个朋友，没几分钟她就在附近的IHOP停车场接我了。几个小时后，我的男朋友，后来成为我的丈夫，在朋友的公寓里接我回家，而我已经在她家的沙发上哭了好长时间。
